tales from cuckoo land

My baby turns one year old tomorrow

2012-02-22T21:16:00.002Z

Can you Adam and Eve it?!!

That is a long drool string and that is mango mush on his babygro

I know we all say it but I cannot believe a year has passed already. Time seems to speed up the older I get and goes faster and faster with each baby that arrives. I suppose it is because I am quite busy too. My one year old is way more distracting these days. He is simply adorable and I find it very hard to drag myself away from him sometimes. Perhaps it is because he is our last baby. Mind you, I say he is my last baby but since Little Cuckoo is the only child who was actually planned and tried for...well you just never know. I haven't the foggiest how Mini came about actually. I think we must have shared bath water or something!

This past year has been, on reflection, completely marvellous. To think that this time last year I was terrified of having three children, nervous and bewildered about how I was going to manage the day to day runnings of family life. I couldn't see how I was going to spread myself out amongst all the boys, catering to their individual and diverse needs. I expected the new baby to be a challenging like the other two. Don't get me wrong they were delightful and I loved them insanely but they were quite difficult babies. So when Mini joined us and turned out to be the sweetest smiley baby I have ever met, well I couldn't believe my luck. Yes of course he has had his moments of shrieking, but I can honestly say I we haven't had a single totally sleepless night. He is still waking most nights but just for ten minutes and he settles immediately, he always has done. He is pure sunshine. (aside: I am in the snug and I can hear Mr C in the kitchen playing with Mini's birthday present - a keyboard and microphone like the one he loved at Clairey's when we visited her last week- hilarious. He has just come in stating that it is awesome so at least I know someone will enjoy it!) He is mellow and placid and just lovely altogether. He fits in perfectly and we are all so in love with him.

I feel so stupid now for being scared of having three children, three boys felt like a cruel joke to a girly girl like me. But oh how I have changed my tune. I now find myself watching the Merry Band of Brothers playing and I feel like the most fortunate mother on earth.

Happy Birthday dear Mini Cuckoo,

you have made everything in this life brighter and we all dote on you.

If you would like to read about his arrival then go here.

xxx

ps. I am waaaaaay behind with everything blog, both the posts I want to write and the blogs I want to read and comment on. I am also very behind with replying to the comments on my last couple of posts. I absolutely love hearing your comments and I do like to reply to them all. This is sometimes a bit tricky if you are a No-Reply-Blogger. To change your setting read this post and you'll be sorted!

pps. Thank you to those (you know who you are) who have been in touch to see if I'm ok. I'm good, I feel well. Thank you for checking up on me. I never expect people to notice my absence, so I was enormously touched that I was missed!

Bed time

2012-02-04T22:40:00.000Z

Did you know my Granny Blanket has magical sleep inducing qualities? Well, it does. It really does. Everyone who snuggles under it falls in to a deep restorative sleep. This is why I am fannying about snapping away at it rather than snuggling under it. You see I haven't had enough fluid today which means I am thirsty at bedtime which means I need to guzzle some water which means I need to postpone bedtime till I've had a really big wee wee. TMI? Ha!! I've had wine and am in the mood for sharing secrets....sometimes I pretend there's a secret camera watching me and I act in front of it. I talk through the steps I take to cook a meal or wash up or what ever. I pretend I am being filmed and I do little asides to the camera. I am sooooo juvenile! I doubt I'll ever stop this little quirk that is a remnant from being an only child who moved county roughly every two years till I was 11. I am never bored. Ever. There's always an exciting play going on in my mind.

xxx

ps. An update on my friends daughters well being: Minnie is doing really well. She has a lot of confusion and pain but all the xrays have come back with good news. Soon this will be a distant memory for all but I hope the lessons learnt will never be forgotten

A Cautionary Tale

2012-02-03T17:18:00.001Z

Today, as the bulbs valiantly tried to spring into life along the roadside of my little village, I held my friend up whilst we watched her beautiful 17 year old daughter being cut out of a car wreck. My arms gripping hold of her tightly, the tinfoil blanket slipped as she shook.

As I looked on and saw the 'jaws of life' cut the roof off the car I noticed all the small details of renewed life around us whilst desperately praying that this young girls life, the life she knew, was not ebbing away. She was conscious and breathing steadily but she was still. So still. While her Mother shook, and my lungs felt fit to burst from running through the barricade in the minus 5 degree cold, she lay in the car with out any sign of motion. She had head and spinal injuries they said, they couldn't guess how severe. Three fire engines, two ambulances, two police cars, a swarm of people in high visibility coats with walkie talkies blaring, all bustling about rescuing a girl so beautiful it seemed totally surreal to see her with blood trailing down her cheek and yet her lipstick intact with a freshly applied appearance.

It seemed wrong that just a hundred yards from her home she was so still and quiet whilst organised chaos carried on around her. Everyone else involved in the collision simply got out of the cars and were unscathed although visibly shaken. You see she hadn't quite got her seat belt buckled. The driver had started off down the road before she'd clicked her seat belt locked. Her head had hit the windscreen and bent backwards, her body had pushed into her neck.

Those times when you are just popping down the road. Put your seat belt on. Those times you are driving along and putting your seat belt on... stop doing that. Put it on before you put the car in gear. Those times when your friend/husband/child jumps into your waiting car. Don't pull away till you hear the click. You think you'll be ok. You think those few paltry seconds don't matter. I have seen today that they matter plenty. What the hell do you say to reassure when your eye's are looking at a limp girl being cut out of a car? What can you do? What can you say?

My friends daughter is going to be ok. But for a few hours this morning it looked like her life as an able bodied girl full of vitality might have been over. She has been spared, she will be ok. She will take a while to heal but she will recover.

xxx

Wanna see my Wips?!

2012-01-31T21:40:00.001Z

I'm hoping that by cataloguing my Works In Progress I might get motivated enough (shamed rather) to steam through them all...Yes. See that big pink cloud over there? That's a pig.

So first up we have this knitted shawl. In my head it will look like a beautiful creation draped around my shoulders much like the shawls you can see here. I plan to finish this before my sock making work shop at the weekend or it will never get finished as I think sock making is an obsession waiting to happen. Oh Lord please help me!!! I'm on the frilly edge now and it is not going well. It is not behaving at all and I am having mini tanties over it. But I think it will all come good in the end, once I get it off the needles. It's so hard with knitting to visualise how something will look once cast off.

So that's my knitted shawl, now on to the Shawl of Dreams. Remember that? Well I'm not sure about it anymore. It isn't turning out how I hoped. I can't even grasp the memory of the shawl I am trying to copy...the memory is deteriorating. I look at it and I'm have reservations as to whether I like it enough to carry on with it. It's a pig to crochet. I have all the yarn for this project and I don't know what I would do with it if I didn't complete what I have started. I do kind of like it when I see it here and it is really soft and smoochy.

Next up is my Granny Square which was inspired by Bunny Mummy who was inspired by Le Monde de Sucrette, only the Granny Square I originally started turned into a cushion for Little and then I started a Granny Rectangle. There's not much to say about it other than I started it on a whim at Christmas and I pick it up now and again. I don't even know where it will be used. Probably the kitchen since we tend to live in that room and the Granny Blanket is currently on my bed helping me to sleep. I'm having a hard time sleeping lately. Night sweats and weird dreams.

On to the little Kid Silk Aura capelet. I started this with a surge of motivation back in November but flitted on to Mr C's Christmas scarf which I still haven't photographed properly. I should get a wriggle on with this as I have just acquired a dress it would be perfect with. I say acquired as I haven't paid for it yet. I mean I didn't nick it, but I didn't get it with my own money. I wrote Mr C an IOU.

Lets not forget the blanket I started when I originally set about learning to knit............I'm not sure I'll get this blanket done in its entirety, not the the full size with all the sample squares. Maybe a little lap blanket of all my favourite squares. I would rather crochet blankets and knit items to wear.

Talking items to wear, I have completed one wrist warmer but haven't stitched it up as I think I would like the cuff to be longer. I'm going to knit the second one and see how much yarn I have left. I was knitting these at The Savoy. The pattern is one of Suzie's of Knit Club fame, it's there that I am going to be learning sock making with my Mum. (Mamoo I will call you tomorrow, it's been so noisy here lately)

It's not all yarny stuff in my Wip list either. I started this hexy patch work when we were on holiday in Spain when I was pregnant with Mini. I knew I was pregnant and so I was making a pram blanket for the daughter who was inevitably on her way! Ha haaaa! It'll be a wicker shopping basket liner now. Way too girly for my sweet baby boy who turns one in just a few weeks.

I made a couple of dresses once, I wear them a fair bit so with that success behind me I embarked on this gorgeous retro pattern from the 1950's. Thought I'd give it a Joules vibe by choosing turquoise bias tape. It was going very well till I tried it on and realised my chunky 1980's waist meant that I had to make a large size and so the shoulders and bust were so huge on me I looked indecent. I have had some help from Bubble and Pookamook at Swine Club to alter the top but I haven't got around to it yet. I'm sure if I had the 1950's hourglass shape it would have fitted nicely.

And finally (not finally really, there are 162 other half started projects or projects I have bought the kit for, all hidden away about the house not least some embroidery as Emily sent me some vintage transfers which I have big plans for) I have been asked to test drive this sharp crochet hook. The idea is it eliminates the need to use a needle to get the foundation stitches set for a crocheted edge. I have plotted out the placement of the stitches with an erasable fabric pen and bought the yarn but I've not finished the next part. I must get on with it soon as I feel honoured to have been asked to give it a whirl. If you are intrigued go here to see what Alice has to say about it.

So this next pic isn't of a Wip but of a blind. It's my Mum's bathroom blind. At least it is now. I was asked if I would like to review some bits for DunelmCath Kidston style dinner service) and being a frequent visitor to the Weston Super Mare store I said "Well why not!' I was sent a blind. It didn't fit any of my windows that needed a blind so my Mum swiped it off me. Good on her I say! So between the pair of us we have reviewed this blind and below is what we think.

On receiving the blind I made these observations:

Positive:

Nice material, very substantial which gives the impression that it will wear well and hopefully not fray when in use.
It looks like it would be easy to cut down to size if one had the correct blind cutting gizmo.
It's a decent size so would fit the majority of houses windows.
The instructions look comprehensive so fitting shouldn't be too difficult.
The fittings appear to be sturdy enough for the weight of the blind.
The packaging was good, not too much rubbish to have to dispose of which is important now most councils have a limit on how much rubbish they will collect per household on the kerbside.

Negative:

The packaging was a total beast to get into. Four heavy duty staples through hard plastic made it rather hard to get to the blind!
The chrome eyelet has a sharp burr on it which is both unsightly and could scratch someone.
The leather dangley bit would be nicer if it was real leather but I don't think it added anything to the overall design. That is my personal taste though and maybe the next person will adore the leather dangle.

And here is what my Mum had to say in an email along with the photographs you see here:

Hello Lovely girlie,
I have put up the blind. It was quite easy and straight forward.
As you know the fittings and instructions were all in the same bag. I laid them out as you can see in the photo to check that everything was there. Didn't need too much in the way of tools, but the requirements are laid out in the instructions what you need.

The blind was easy to cut to size, but you need to be careful of the sharp edges that you make with the hack saw when cutting down the top tube prior to putting the end fittings in. Overall it is quite a nice blind. My only criticism is that when the blind was made it was not cut straight with the grain of the material and that hampered the cutting down process as it threw you off line. Also the eyelet being centrally placed meant the I had to cut both sides, and not just one side if it was plain, but that is a consideration that the purchaser would need to take when buying. After I had cut the blind the hem both sides wanted to come undone and the sides frayed a bit. The eyelet had a sharp lug on it where the top ring and the underneath ring didn't match up, which could be something that they should look at as it could have hurt someone.

Once the blind is cut and re-rolled and put into the brackets the mechanism runs smooth and easy. The overall effect is very nice.
If I were to give it marks out of ten it would come in as an eight.
I hope that you can make sense of this to give Dunelm feed back from.
Love you,
Mamoo

xxx

So there we go. I actually think over all that this blind, which was less than twenty quid was super value for money. I'd like to thank Laura very much for approaching me to test run this blind and I hope I did a good and fair job of it.

This week has been a funny one. Mr C set off for France to go Skiing on Saturday. Usually we all go but our friends that we go with had to leave making plans till the very last moment as their Mum is having chemo for bowel cancer and it all needed to fit around her. On Thursday Mr C came home and said he'd been talking to Jim about it and that the plan was to go on Saturday. To cut a long story short it made sense for me and the kids to stay behind which I am totally fine with. My last few skiing experiences have been awful and I'm scared to get back on the slopes now. There's a really long story attached to this about someone taking my ski's and me losing all my confidence as a result. So here I am home alone with the kids and I miss my chap. Don't get me wrong in someways it is easier but I don't like it. It feels very different to last week when we had my God daughter to stay. The house was full to the brim and now it feels a bit rattly, even thought there are still four of us here.

Lady Buttercup's stay here was lovely. I was apprehensive prior to her arrival as I'd offered to have her to give Kmmms a break. Those of you who read her blog will know why I was a bit nervous. Lady Buttercup had some trouble with going to bed. My Kmmms needed some respite so I offered. I kind of knew Lady B would be good as gold here but I wasn't certain. Anyway she was a joy and I really loved having her her. I ABSOLUTELY loved my time with her. I will treasure the memories forever and although she is only 4 I hope she remembers it too (but not the bit where I crashed into a barrier when trying to do a 3 point turn when collecting her Mum from the train station. God love my husband for not going bonkers at me when I told him!) The boys are missing her too, they enjoyed the new dimension she brought to their games. Big said a few times "Were is Brooke? Get her back Mummy, she lives with us now. She is our Brooke" which made me melt. That lovely little boy is so loving and welcoming.

Of all the photographs I took, this is my ultimate favourite.
She was decorating cup cakes for her family the morning she was going home.

xxx

ps. How many links in this post? I've gone link-tastic!!

I can't think of a title, so call it what you like!

2012-01-23T21:55:00.000Z

Remember I was crocheting Little another cushion cover to go with his bolster cushion? It is finished and Little has scamped off with it and is loving it more than his other one. It melts my heart when I go in at night and see him like this:

It feels very special to make something for someone I love, it's even more wonderful when they are so happy with what I have made them. I hope my sweet boy can feel all the love that went into making him these crocheted cosy cushion covers.

Now, I may be a little quiet this week, you'll see me here and there for certain, leaving sporadic comments now and again. But I am having a potentially busy week. My God daughter Lady Buttercup arrived yesterday for a little holiday so I'll be bobbing in and out of blog land as and when I get the chance. Here she is, fast asleep in my spare room that is her room till Thursday.

That little pink crocheted rabbit was one of the first things I ever crocheted
once I'd taught myself how. It's about 3 years old now and is called Miffy and is adored
Lady Buttercup. Oh how happy I feel to see her fast asleep cuddled up to it.

We are having to make plans by the hour depending on how Mini and Big are feeling as they, with perfect timing, have come down with bugs. Mini has a croupy cough and a bunged up up nose. He feels rubbish and he is not the sunny little soul he usually is. I hate that I can't do much for him to make him feel better.

But the little boy I feel most badly for is Big Cuckoo as he has a virus which is sending his temperature up to 39.3 even when dosed up on paracetamol and ibuprofen. Mr C took him to the Docs this evening as he is prone to tonsilitis, but it's a virus so nothing can be done. Poor little fella. He was off school today and desperate to play but he was shaking so much. He tried to join in with the baking we were doing but his head hurt so he stood on the stool and lay his head on the worktop and watched us. He gave up in the end and spent hours asleep on the sofa. Thankfully my friend, Princess, brought Little Cuckoo home from preschool for me so that I didn't have to drag two poorly kids out. Thank you Princess for doing an 8 mile round trip out of your way, I am so grateful I can't thank you enough.

I hope my boys perk up so we can all really enjoy having Lady Buttercup to stay. It's something the boys have looked forward to since we planned it a couple of weeks ago.

xxx

ps. Am loving having a girl to play with. I found myself taking photos of our legs all tangled up together as our almost matching tights looked so cute, her little legs, my big legs.
"Look Auntie! We have the same legs today!" She exclaimed,
"So we do darling!",
"Can I have some lipstick please?",
"Of course you can, give me a kiss square on the lips, I'll share it with you, my lady" I said.

Swine and dine

2012-01-19T22:38:00.000Z

A while ago I went to jewellery school and I made a friend there. We decided that we needed to set up a crafting group as so few of our day to day acquaintances were into crafting and we wanted to have a monthly get together so we'd be inspired and bounce around ideas. I'd not long fallen into the world of blogging and I was desperate to have some buddies to craft with. We decided to set up our own group called Swine Club as we intended to sew and drink wine. SEWine Club

The inaugural Swine Club was at my house and was a huge success, there were about 15 of us and no one got anything done as we were all so excited to see what everyone else was doing. The numbers quickly dropped to six as is the norm with any new group but we were rather pleased as we realised that we had a special thing going on and we didn't want to mess with it nor dilute it nor change the dynamic. The monthly gatherings became fortnightly and we frequently have an interim Swine if one of us can't make it but feels they need a Swine session. It's very special. It does me good.

I had the Swine Girls over last night. It was fun as usual, we laughed a lot and had a lovely time. I cooked a fish pie and we sank a bottle of prosecco that Princess brought with her as it was one of the girl's birthday. I feel a bit shabby today that's for sure.

I'm just going to have a little think about what nicknames I'll give the Swine Girls. Ok, thought of a few, now I can introduce you to Pookamook which was her nick name already, she is the friend I made at jewellery school. Jasmine, as she looks like the heroine from Disney's Aladdin. Bubble, because she's as funny and scatty yet intelligent like the Absolutely Fabulous character. Bambi because she is doe eyed with the most gorgeous laugh, she's going to hate that nick name. Last but not least, Princess, who you have already met.

So the girls came over last night and it reminded me I hadn't shared the photographs I took at our last Swine Club gathering before Christmas. I'm quite pleased that I am sharing this with you today in the middle of January as I am still missing Christmas to the point that I have put up three more sets of fairy lights in my kitchen to try to bring back some of the magic I felt this year.

Pookamook, Bubble and Jasmine

Princess, Bambi, Pookamook

Swine dog, Bea

The only photo of me!

Thai prawn curry from Nigella Express

Christmas Swine was wonderful. I enjoyed cooking a Thai prawn curry, I enjoyed making my secret Santa gift, I loved jazzing up the dining room and digging out my gold rimmed glasses that I bought for a song at the local auction room. I had fun tinkering about to make things lovely.

I'm still a bit odd in the head if I'm honest, still not quite found my way back to normal yet. The anti depressants are working well and I feel pretty good but I can't cope with crowds at all, I'm spooked by strangers at gatherings, I'm scared of going out somewhere unfamiliar with out Mr C. I went to WI last Tuesday and I forced myself to enter alone even though I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes. I'm not quite myself so I am getting much more comfort out of my home than ever before. I loved entertaining my Swine Girls as we are like therapy for each other. There's a wonderful dynamic amongst us. The girls have all led such diverse and amazing lives, there's probably very little that life can throw at a person that one of us hasn't experienced from the good to the most awful. One of us left home aged 16 and put themselves through law school whilst living at the YMCA. One of us is a young widow. One of us built up a business and sold it on and doesn't really need to earn a lot now, two of us are foster carers, two of us are career girls, one of us made the hats for the drama series House of Elliot, one of us longs for a baby but the baby wont come, one of us is very poorly, one of us has a brother with the same condition Big has (such a comfort to hear great stories about him), two of us can speak several languages....I'll stop there as I've noticed that most of these revelations are not about me as I have lived a wholly unremarkable life......! A valuable life, but little to report, which could be seen as a good thing.

We all gave each other hand made secret Santa gifts that were totally appropriate for the recipient. We were all thrilled to bits with our gifts.

Jasmine received this amazing bag from Bubble

I received this stupendous bag made by Jasmine who has only just learnt to sew

Princess received an oil cloth peg bag and fudge from Bambi

Bambi received a crochet hook roll from Pookamook

I gave Pookamook the jar cosies I showed you the other day.
Don't you think Pooks looks like Adele the singer?

Princess gave Bubble a knitted dahlia corsage, hard to see here as it's a
gorgeous aubergine colour

In other news, my pink hair washed out far too quickly so I didn't get any decent photographs. These iPhone pics will have to do.

Been mucking about with my iPhone apps

I had my skull x ray on Tuesday evening. They were so efficient I didn't even have time to get my knitting out. I parked up at 6.25pm and was back in my car by 6.37pm. I didn't owe anything for parking as you get the first 15 minutes for free. Never known such efficiency in the NHS. I know we all moan about our health service but it is flipping good really, over all it's amazing that we get such a high level of care for free (more or less). Anyway, I have gone off on one of my tangents. I asked the Xray technician if I could have a good look at my Xray. I'm a bit weird in that I love anything like that, I even have my long deceased cats Xrays from when she was knocked over by a car. I should have been in the medical profession properly. I used to be a medical rep in days of old and I loved the clinical side of it all. I was obsessed by clinical papers and trials to do with the drugs I was peddling. I was so interested in all the patient case studies these Doctors were trialling my drug in, I used to get really involved, they never divulged personal details but they'd tell me what they though was going on with patient x. I loved that side of it. There was a time when I really felt I should work out a way of retraining to become a Doctor. I would have loved to have been an orthopaedic surgeon. But several things stopped me. I was a bit too old to embark on a 15 year retraining program and I had a mortgage and, this is key, I didn't quite have the brain power to do it either. Maybe next time!! Ha! Oh gosh, gone off piste again.....

.....so I had a good stare at the Xray of my skull, I wish I'd taken a photo of it now. It was amazing. All the stuff you can see! I have HOOOOOOGE sinus cavities. That explains my neolithic brow (there's a story behind that description I'll share one day, quite insulting and hilarious at the same time). Pearl earrings show up very well. My chin isn't just a fleshy architectural feature but has a big old bone in it. My brain didn't really show up, it looked like a big vacuous space to me. (No silly jokes thank you very much Mr C, I know you are reading this). There is an obvious mass in my skull bone. It sort of looks like a fried egg attached to and growing out of the skull where my lump is. It's a white coloured mass and I *think* that's a good thing. I've googled bone tumours and they appear as dark grey so I'm hoping this is a nice bump to have. I think we should name my bump. What shall I name it? Actually, lets have a laugh with this and leave your name suggestion below and I'll do that random number generator thing.

Right it's late and I haven't done half the things I was planning this evening as Bubble arrived unexpectedly and stayed for supper. It was really really lovely. I hardly ever have friends just drop by unexpectedly as we live out in the sticks up a spooky country lane.

Night night,

xxx

ps. Am silently laughing so that I don't wake up the sleeping beauties of the house but spell check wants to change Pookamook to pock mark and it's tickled me! I must be tired.

It's all about Little Cuckoo's stuff today

2012-01-13T17:34:00.000Z

Sometime ago I realised that Little Cuckoo didn't have any cushions in his room. How very remiss and neglectful of me. There was a very nice double bed crying out for a cushion or two, what an oversight and how lovely to have the revelation that there was a place perfect for a bit of crochet adornment.

I had a rummage around to see what cushion pads I had lurking about and what stash yarn I had available and I came up with a plan. Then I did bugger all for ages and ages until I saw this cushion over at Victoria's.

Woo hoo! That got me all fired up and I made this cushion in a matter of a few days. I finished it ages and ages ago and this isn't the first time this bit of crochet has been on my blog (see here and here)

You can probably tell that it had been used quite a bit by the time we had a bright enough day to do some snapping. Little loves his cushion. He sleeps with his head on it most nights. He wont let anyone else lean on it when he has a story. He says happily "My Mummy made this for me".

Of course there is a blooper. I don't think I have ever crocheted something without making a mistake. Have you spotted it? Yep one red strip is thicker than all the other red stripes. Silly me! I blame the Kir Royals we were drinking in this post

Little is quite excited as there is another cushion for him in the making. You can see it there in it's current state. I'm hoping to have it finished this weekend.

While I was taking photographs of Little's bolster cushion I thought I'd show you a couple of other bits of his room. Granny (my Belle Mere aka MIL) is a wonderful patchworker/quilter. She made this amazing quilt for Little

It's single bed size and has been quilted with a pattern of dragon flies. It is an amazing piece of art of hours and hours (and then some) of work. We have hanged it from a curtain pole but it needs re hanging as the pole is skew whiff.

It deserves a post all to it's self really. Maybe when Granny finishes Mini's quilt I'll show you all of the boys quilts in detail. Big Cuckoo has a cot size one of teddy bears and houses. It's adorable. Mini's is going to be a flying theme.

See that mural? I got into such trouble over that mural. You see we were at a charity ball that my friend had organised to raise money for a prostate cancer charity as she'd lost her very young husband to the evil disease. There was an auction and a mural was up for grabs. Mr C started bidding on it but then the bids went a bit high so he ducked out. I was chatting to an acquaintance and in my tiddly state I thought it would make her laugh if I leaped up just after the bidding for the mural had ended, pretending to bid. I know, not funny really, except the last laugh was on me as I timed it wrong and ended up placing the closing bid. Mr C was furious with his drunken Mrs! That was until he found out the mural had gone for way less than it's commercial value and so I was forgiven. In the end we went for two less detailed, half wall murals so that both boys could have one. We live close to Bristol so we chose the Clifton Suspension Bridge, Concorde on it's final flight and some hot air balloons as we have a famous balloon fiesta in Bristol every year. The penguin was included because Little's favourite book is Penguin by Polly Dunbar.

Remember Little turned 4 years old a couple of weeks ago? Well I figured no one would want even more cake to work their way through so I made a gingerbread house for him as it has all the size of a big cake but is hollow, not to mention covered in sweet sugary stuff. Perfect for a boy who has a considerable sweet tooth.

Ma Belle Soeur and I decorated it the night before but I had baked it on Christmas Eve eve using this recipe and template. If you want the smell and taste of Christmas them you have to bake some gingerbread cookies using this recipe. It was more Christmassy than Rudolf and certainly tastier (although I haven't tasted reindeer)

Ma Belle Soeur did the most splendid roof tiling.

Little loved it, we sprinkled it liberally with gold glitter and it sparkled beautifully when his candles were lit. We shoved one of those magnificent cake sparkler fountains in it too.

Little came out with one of his many funny quips the other day. Big Cuckoo and he were in the bath and Big asked Little what he was doing. Little replied "Watch and learn, watch and learn" in a voice laden with superiority. It was v funny. Oh and he asked me for some gorilla milkshake. I think he meant vanilla but you can never be really sure with him.

So what else can I tell you? I'm feeling a little flat. I'm missing the Christmas tree a great deal. I know that sounds bonkers but I loved having it around this year. Usually once it's drooped and dropped needles I'm quite happy to fling it out but this year I feel sad it's gone. I miss the twinkle and the smell. I wish we could have this Christmas all over again. It was ace. I particularly miss the booze too. I suit being constantly merry. I can't remember when I last had a little schnifter, oh yes I can, I had a Pimms Winter on the 11th night while I took the tree down. Needed something to numb the sorrow!!!

I've got psycho eyes here!

And finally, spot something different about me? I have pink hair! It has already faded a lot but if it still looks pink enough tomorrow I'll get Mr C to take some shots so I can show you. Otherwise you'll just get the poor quality iPhone snaps I took of myself when I had it done on Wednesday.

I have a skull X-ray on Tuesday at 6.30pm. Wish me luck. I am getting quite anxious, I've had a tricky tummy and two nightmares this week already.

xxx

It was like a fairy tale

2012-01-05T17:43:00.000Z

I'm talking about our 7th wedding anniversary celebration. It was, it was....it was bloody AMAZING! Yes yes, I know, I just swore on my blog but honestly I cannot get over how wonderful it was. A 24 hour window of grown up time amongst two weeks of full on festivities that involved possibly the two most excited little boys on the planet.

Christmas was wonderful this year. It will be remembered as the year Uncle Dorv turned fire breather* and my two boys were hilarious in church on Christmas day**. I could bore you with all the minutiae, in fact I've deleted a couple of paragraphs as I was going ON and ON and ON when I really want to blog about our anniversary this very moment.

So back to The Savoy. Yes Ladies and Gentlemen. WE STAYED AT THE SAVOY!!!!!!!! Oh My gosh it was divine. I made a total disgrace of myself and ran about the place taking loads of photographs and looking totally uncool. None of this "I stay here all the time" demeanour. It was perfectly obvious that I was a country oik who had been plucked from her real domestic life for a spell in the world of glitter and glamour.

This post is going to be very photo heavy, to the tune of around 80 photo's and it's a loooooong one. I will not apologise for this as I think some of you will love seeing the delights of The Savoy. Also uploading all these photo's to picnik to make collages is simply too time consuming and faffy. I want to get this post going so I can relive such a super time. I adore my blog for allowing me literally relive a moment and then have it stored here to share with my friends, family and in time, my children.

Ready for the tour? Good, here we go.

So glad we stayed over Christmas time, those trees make my heart sing

We arrived and the door man asked our names and took our cases, he then handed us over to a chap with a discreet clip board and introduced us. That chap took us over to a lady who on hearing our names said "Welcome to The Savoy, you're in room 332, please follow me and I'll take you up now if you like?"

Wow. What service! Such a slick operation. I felt like hopping on the spot and clapping.

The red lift was the first elevator in London. It is beautiful

That was our room on the left

Even the fire extinguishers were elegant

I LOVE how each room has a doorbell, it had a gentle
chime so it wouldn't make a person leap out
of their skin

Mr C was so cool about it all, he went and sat down and connected to the wifi and flicked through the magazines....

.....I, on the other hand, dumped my bags and flitted about taking photo's and exclaiming "It even smells NICE! It smells of linen water"

He just looked at me fondly, he is rather more used to this sort of thing than me.
His mother went to The Savoy for afternoon tea when she turned 21,
I went to a garden centre in Taunton when I turned 21!

So uncool. Don't care a bit.

I swear to you, this shower head was the size of a tea tray.
HUGE

The spare loo roll was wrapped up in tissue paper.

Have to say, this TV being off centre bothered me a bit

We then dragged ourselves from our room and met up with Little Cuckoo's Godfather and his wife Clarabelle and had a spot of lunch in a little place off Piccadilly, I think, (I had Thai coconut and crab soup which was divine) and then we had a mooch down New Bond Street. I was just itching to get to Liberty's though. I'm much more of a haberdashery/charity shop/auction room shopper. The glitzy places don't appeal much now.

I was rather restrained in Liberty as I have made a pledge to not buy any more stuff for future projects until I get a heap completed (famous last words). I only bought yarn as it was our 7th wedding anniversary which is copper or wool. I had thought I'd knit socks with it but Mr C said he'd really like some fingerless gloves to match the scarf I made him for Christmas which I'll show and tell another day, if I forget then remind me, though it is a very manly brown scarf, not particularly inspiring but Mr C looks lovely in it.

I love Liberty's usually but it was a bit crazy as the sale had started. I'm a bad sale shopper. I get the heebie jeebies amongst the crowds. I didn't stay long. I left the others to carry on mooching and I headed back to the hotel to have a long bath with some fudge I had spied in the mini bar. Afterwards I took my time to paint my nails and read a magazine with Antiques Road Show playing on an obscure channel in the background. It was heaven. I do enjoy Antiques Road Show.

It was a pleasure to get ready to go out, to do my hair properly and take time over my make up. I usually have to do everything at break neck speed after I've got the little uns to bed.

A lavender pillow hanging from the hanger,
oh the tiny details were special.

Mr C has fancy wooden inner thingies that came with his shoes.
What a dapper chap.

That's the cocktail menu, there was one called Grounds For Divorce
that we thought about ordering.

I can't be sensible. Ever. I can't help but pull faces. It's like a compulsion.
Doesn't Mr C look odd with that reflection around his chin!

Our partners in crime. They lead us a stray in the shops

After a few cocktails for me and pink champagne for them we went through to the restaurant to eat. The food was amazing. Every single mouthful was perfect and happily the portions weren't too small.

After supper before returning to the bar I popped to the bathroom and was gone ages......

.......I was snapping away at all the paintings. I had some very funny looks as I was weaving about snapping away and everything. Mr C would have been mortified if he was with me

Clarabelle

Once back at the bar, I had an amaretto on the rocks and I had my legs stroked by the cabaret singer who had taken a shine to my tights. She was utterly barking mad and very entertaining. It was just her and the pianist and she held every ones attention for hours. I can imagine her touchy feelyness might have put some people off but I loved her. I thought she was a hoot and I was dying to get up on a chair and sing Big Spender with her. Mr C had growled "Don't even think about it!" so I behaved myself. Just as well as I'd probably have fallen off the chair as I was pretty wibbly by then.

Bit blurry

Me in her hat that had a shoe on it. A Shoe!!!

My tights. What a weird angle.

Back at the room Mr C and I kicked off our shoes and put on the slippers and had a little dissection of the evening before turning in for the night. I slept so well. Although the bed wasn't as comfortable as ours because it had a feather mattress topper that had got compacted so it was a little harder than the cloud I sleep on usually.

I was woken just after nine so I could get a robe on before breakfast arrived. It had been delivered by the time I came into the room and I was again left grinning from ear to ear. Proper linen table clothes. Stunning china, yummy food, pretty flowers. It was gorgeous.

There I am again!

Gosh I wish I was back there again now.

There's a small museum near one of the bars which was very interesting, I took a few pics of the things that appealed to me to share with you:

It didn't say if the postman had guessed right...must have.

I would love to time travel to see life back in this era

I would turn into a burglar to get my hands on this china...

...I'd pinch this dressing table set while I was at it too.

I could have stayed in the shop all day, tasting everything they had on offer. I had to settle for taking photographs rather than mouthfuls though.

I love LOVE love how they have collections of paintings all of different sizes in different frames of different genres and yet it all works. I reckon I could pull this off in our hallway at home. Our hallway needs a bit of attention this year. It could be fabulous as it's pretty big but it is lacking in style.

Can you see me there with my bright spotty knitting bag?

I turned and snapped away at this chap and he said, I'll take one of you and your husband if you like, afterwards he asked if I'd like him to take the camera and get me some pictures of the kitchens. He was gone ages. Absolutely ages. To the point that we wondered if he didn't really work there and was a camera robber.

But he did indeed come back and he'd taken a fab load of shots! I really need to write in and thank him. He was a suuuuuuuper star.

This was going up to Gordon Ramsey the celebrity chef

"Whatcha doin'?"

They do all look really happy in their work.

Thank you Michael Stenekes for taking the time to make our stay even more memorable.

I'm going to copy this silver votive flower thing.
Anyone know where I can find a similar looking vase?

Spot my knitting!

The lady in the background was perplexed by my wanton photographing,
I wonder what she thought when I started knitting.

Look how chuffed I am!

Now it's all over. A week has already passed and the decorations are coming down, the tree is wilted and I feel a bit deflated. The boys are back at school and I need to sort through their toys and find homes for the new ones. The unbroken new ones that is. Quite a bit of what they were given is now broken irreparably. Either it was too grown up for them or very inexpensive or more ornamental than a functional toy. Big Cuckoo struggles to play in the way most children do. He is quite destructive and throws things a lot. It's one of the things he finds difficult. It's just hard when something gets broken and the tears flow. I get saddened that people spend a tenner on something that looks like a 'big' gift but it gets trashed as it can't stand up to the task. I'd much rather they spent a fiver on a small robust toy to save my children's tears and their pocket.

Anyway enough of that, I'm looking forward to this evening so I can sit down in the cosy drawing room with the fire lit and the lamps on. I'll light a few candles and get on with some knitting or maybe some crochet. I do love this time of year when it gets dark early and I can cook stews and snuggle in.

I rejoined weight watchers last night and so have just eaten 4 mini mince pies to get rid of them. I'm thinking about eating the other two and just be done with it.

Does anyone out there have any experience with heap lumps? In the Summer I noticed a bump on my forehead on the right hand side near my hair line. I thought it was a zit or that I'd bumped it except it didn't hurt. This past month I have noticed that it has grown so I went to the Docs yesterday and he said it was likely to be a bone tumour, probably benign and not to worry about it. He's referring me for tests/x-ray/MRI whatever they decide after a discussion at the practice breakfast meeting. The question I'm asking is do these things grow really big? Will I look like a unicorn? I don't mind looking like a unicorn as long as I get the special power of flight as well. No seriously, anyone know anything about lumpy heads?

xxx

*Uncle Dorv is a bit posh. He speaks very nicely, he knows the 'right' people, he went to one of the top schools in England, he is very gentlemanly (and lovely). So when he turned fire breather it was flipping hilarious.

See the sweet little house tealight holder in the photo below? Well the tealight flame suddenly went wild. It grew to about 3 inches and the flame was licking at the gold frame of the picture above.

"Quick!" Granny shouted, "The candle! My painting!"

"Goodness me!" cried Uncle Dorv and as he was nearest he jumped to it and blew on the flame. But he had been eating icecream with home made rum topf.

Rum topf is rum that has had fresh fruit and sugar added to it
and allowed to steep for months. It's potent.

The flame grew and licked around Uncle Dorv's nose. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed and took in another big breath and blew harder. The look on his face when again the flame grew to mammoth proportions will stay with me forever. The surprised expression was priceless. Then Poppa grabbed the whole tea light house and blew harder than the big bad wolf and the tealight flew through the air and hit my Belle Soeur square on the left boob. It might have landed on her arm but I've remembered it as her boob as that's funnier.....I guess you had to be there. I'll leave this story in though as this is my diary of sorts and I don't want to forget that moment

**The boys were so funny in Church on Christmas day. I wasn't there as I'd stayed home to have a tidy for Granny and so that Mini could have his nap. The vicar had asked all the Children to go up to the front and be given an illuminated whizzy windmill and a sweet. The vicar asked each child to speak into the microwave (I meant microphone, but that has made me hoot so it stays) and tell everyone what they got for Christmas. Along the line the children had received iPods, Scalextrics, bikes, x boxes... he got to my boys and Little said "I got a bunch of dirty keys" Big said "I got a wiggly wig". Then someone spilt the rest of the sweets and the vicar told the kids to all walk around the church with their lit windmills lighting up Christmas lest we forget that it is about the birth of Christ. But my two were nowhere to be seen. Eventually they joined the procession with their arms full of the dropped sweets. "We tidied up!"

Happy 7th Anniversary Darling!

2011-12-29T08:06:00.003Z

Seven years ago today I married the marvellous Mr C. It seems like a life time ago but at the same time just last week. I'm so happy there's no sign of any seven year itches around here!

We are sloping off to London to stay at The Savoy whilst Granny and Poppa look after the little rascals for us. We will dine in the restaurant this evening with Little Cuckoo's Godfather and his wife. I'm very excited! I don't get this sort of glamour very often. I'm going to wear my special sparkly jewellery and some mary jane heels in patent leather. I'll carry a satin clutch bag and paint my nails. I'll hold my husbands hand and grin from ear to ear.

Traditionally gifts exchanged for a seventh anniversary are of copper or wool. I'll go for wool and I will knit Mr C some socks (when I have learnt how).

Four years ago today...

2011-12-28T07:41:00.001Z

...today at around 4.45pm I received a couple of texts from these three girls Kmmms, Bee and Gem. They all said roughly the same thing “Any twinges? Any sign? Any news?”. My reply was “Not a thing, nothing at all, think this baby is way too comfortable!” and I was being totally honest.

I was expecting Little and I had been hoping he wouldn’t arrive on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I also didn’t want him to arrive on the 27th as that was Granny’s 60th birthday and I felt it would have be nice for her to celebrate that special birthday as her very own. My due date was officially the next day, the 29th, (he was measuring large so they had brought my date forward by almost a week) but since my first baby had arrived almost a fortnight early the girls were on high alert and expect news imminently.

A short while later I sent the girls a text saying “With great speed “Little” flew in to the world at 6.12pm. He’s a chubby little thing weighing in at 9lbs 3 oz. Mr C and I are thrilled if a little overwhelmed!”

The girls could not believe it. I’d only just sent out the text saying there was no news. You see about ten minutes after I sent out my text I had a contraction. That unmistakeable sensation of deep cramping in a sling shape between my hips. “Wow, this means business” I thought “If I get another like that soon I’ll start to time them” Within ten minutes I’d had three more, they were unbelievable, I was in total denial though. I firmly believed it was ridiculous and I was going to have a shower and put on some make up. My mother in law ordered Mr C to get the car and told my father in law to get my bags. I bellowed “Don’t be daft! I’m having a shower, I want to put on my make up, I've GOT TIME.” I was so cross. Furious actually and very irritable. I didn’t know it then but I must have been in the phase they call transition when you are 10 centimetres dilated and you have a surge of hormones that send you a bit bonkers but tell your body to start pushing. I reluctantly rang the midwives and I just grizzled and grunted down the phone and said my name. “You better come in right away” they said. Oh bleddy hell, I thought, what a lot of drama. This is stupid, I want a bleedin’ shower......then I had the mother of all contractions and I practically sprinted to the car.

What ensued was a white knuckle ride into the city with me trying desperately hard not to push, I kept lifting my bottom off the seat and making weird noises. “Don’t push! DON”T PUSH!” Mr C was begging me.

“I....CAN”T....HELP.....IT!!!!!!”

We arrived so quickly as Mr C drove like a formula one driver through the surprisingly empty streets. I suppose it being the friday between Christmas and New Year meant a lot of people were on holiday and so there was no rush hour traffic. We abandoned the car and I marched through the hospital, my face contorted, my arms stuck out rigidly and my hands clenching and unclenching rhythmically.

We got to the reception desk and a midwife asked my husband who I was and where were my notes. I managed to kick my bag to indicate where they were and had another mad contraction. “Never mind!” Said the midwife “Lets get her on a bed” I walked down the corridor undoing my trousers, I went straight to the bathroom and had a wee, then I got on the bed and within minutes out came my boy. I helped deliver him, I reached down and helped pull him on to my tummy. He wee’d on my leg and poo’d on my tummy.

“Hello Darling” I said “You’re gorgeous, you look just like Big!”

“Wow!” said Mr C “That was easy”

“WHAT????”

So there we are. That’s Little Cuckoo’s story. My adorable boy came into this world in a hurry and he hasn’t paused since. He’s like a whirling dervish and so cheeky. He reminds me of myself when I was little.

Happy 4th birthday my dear little fella.

There’s another story to add to his. 48 years ago my Nanny Sheila gave birth to a bonny baby girl called Caroline. She was a lovely girl and grew into a very sweet and pretty young lady. She was the most wonderful Aunt and I absolutely adored her. She used to play with my hair and take me shopping. She made me feel very special and loved. When I was 8 she was in a car accident, the driver had been drinking and was going too fast. She was thrown from the vehicle. The emergency services couldn’t find her as she was yards away from the wreck in a ditch. She died a few days later in my Dad’s arms. She died on her 20th birthday 28 years ago today.

When I rang my Nanny to tell her I had a baby boy on Caroline’s birthday she burst into tears and said she never ever thought she could be happy on this day again but now this day has become a happy day. She feels Caroline sent us Little Cuckoo to help heal some broken hearts and I tend to agree. My son also has the same name as the love of my Nan’s life and although he isn’t actually named after him as such, it means a lot to my Nan to have a special grandson born on a special day with a special name.

We will celebrate his birthday today with family but he’ll have a proper party in July to try and spread things out a bit for him. Hopefully his friends will be able to come then.

Hope you all had wonderful Christmases!

The Cuckoo's been a busy bird!

2011-12-23T11:12:00.000Z

Here's a bit of our Christmassy stuff, makes and bakes.

I love how Mini is waving at me in this photograph. Shame it's blurry.

Photographing Christmas trees is a bit tricky isn't it! I really must learn how to use a camera properly.

Thank you to Bunny Mummy for sending me this owl to cheer me up when I was blue.
What a delight! Love it.

I made these decorations years ago, this one needs crutches.

Of course I had to make a set of these stockings

I realised last year that I have a love / hate opinion of tinsel.

I think it is tacky and cheap yet I
L:O:V:E
the twinklyness of it and how it transports me back to the happy Christmases of my childhood.

So this year we have tinsel and I am enjoying it. To hell with bad taste!!!

One poorly baby who should have been in bed hours ago!

Polar express

Nativity scene

The Shepards and the Kings have little lit up lanterns

The details in this Nativity set that Granny gave us are amazing.

I have wrapped a trillion presents

I made a last minute Christmas cake as I thought my Cousin in Law was doing one again this year. She made a really sweet one with marzipan penguins on it last year.

Can you see the two eggs at the bottom are a deeper yellow?
They are from my Yicks

All wrapped up and ready to be baked and then fed booze in a binge drinking style.

I had fun decorating the cake. Just as I finished it I went on a cheeky blog surf and saw that my bloddie Ashley had decorated hers in much the same way! Great minds hey?

The bunting came from the lovely Jooles of Sew Sweet Violet fame. She has a wonderful Etsy shop but it is now closed for Christmas.

So the Christmas cake DID look nice for a few hours.......but.........two naughty little urchins decided to pick off some of the sparkly holly leaves and gobble them up!

Little devils. I have a bit of repair work to undertake now. Not that I'm stressing too much. I didn't get the royal icing to the perfect piping consistency and I am out of practice so my piped lines are a bit wibbly. Therefore I'm not overly worried about the damage. So long as the cake tastes nice.

Little Cuckoo made Christmas tree biscuits to give to his preschool teachers. I helped him a bit but for the most part he did them all himself and worked really hard. Especially so for Licola (Nicola) who is his bestest favourite.

Mini helped us by rubbing all the icing into the floor.

I felt like Little Red Riding Hood with my basket full of baked goodies
to take to Preschool

Now I must thank pinterest for the following ideas, the Christmas tree cookies, the beribboned plate and the melted snowman biscuits.

The pink trees sold really quickly at the School Fayre but the melted snowman ones didn't do very well at the prescool party.

English coconut macaroons for the Knit Club party in my bon bon dish
which was a gift for me when Mini was born.

AND NOW FOR THE FATHER CHRISTMAS LEG CAKES!!! which I mentioned in a previous post and a few of you asked for more info.

I was certain the idea cake from Bakerella but I can't find the actual post and now I'm wondering if
I saw them elswhere.

Who would like a quick, ill photographed tutorial?

You would?

OK here you go.

You will need fondant icing in red, white and black with some tylo powder or gum tragacanth mixed in to set the icing hard. A little royal icing. A knife and a spoon and a pair of hands.

Roll out a long thin sausage and chop it up into lengths about 3cm long

Roll a blob of white icing into a flattened ball to stick on to the leg
with some royal icing

Now roll out a larger black ball for the boot

Shape it into a flat oval

Press your spoon in to the the black icing about a third of the way in.
I used my babies weaning spoon as it had a thick curven edge
that worked nicely.

Stick the boot on with a dollop of royal icing

Make 48 and be warned you will end up with a numb brain.

My top tip is to allow the legs to harden before sticking the white cuff and the boot on.

The pipe butter cream onto your cupcake and stick the legs in at jaunty angles. Then sprinkle with sugar or coconut and edible glitter (of course).

Take them to the fayre where they will sell swiftly and make up for the fact that the melted snowman biscuits didn't sell well at all (oh the prickling shame!)

Little got the baking bug and so he and his elder brother made "Jam hearts". I have told him they are tarts but he still calls them hearts. It's sweet, so I'll correct him no more.

The best bit for them is playing with the off cuts of pastry.

I made some mince pies to take to WI which I then couldn't go to. So I did the honourable thing and ate them all up myself. What a pig.

I was making these sugar stars as a gift but they were a real faff and I gave up with only half a kilner jar full.

Little and I also made a huge batch of coconut ice which I managed to eat most of without even noticing. I swear I'll need dentures in the new year.

Did you spot a bit of crochet there?

I got on the band wagon and made eight jar cosies as gifts for Big's teachers and for a couple of my friends. I first saw them here and obviously had to copy. There seems to be little that Vanessa does that doesn't give me the making urge and turn me into a blatant copy cat.

Yes, I have been busy, I'll show you the rest after Christmas once the handmade gifts have been received. I'll leave you now with this photograph of the glorious sunset we had the other day. I couldn't capture it properly as it wasn't just how it looked it was how it smelt and felt. There was a feeling of sheer peace and I could smell wood smoke and hear the church bells.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

xxx

So good they named it twice

2011-12-20T13:42:00.000Z

Except they didn't actually name it "Twice" they named it...

NEW YORK, NEW YORK!
(see what I did there? GENIUS! ;oD)

Rah's bouquet.

Several weeks ago we were on a fantastic jaunt. Feels like a dream. It felt like a dream when we were there too. So different from our real life. The juxtapositions were huge. Firstly I was without children for 6 days and had Mr C completely to myself. Secondly I was spending time with my old friend Rah who I rarely see as she lives 12 hundred miles away in a different country. Thirdly we live in a very quiet area deep in the countryside which is about as different to New York as you can get. And then there was all the food eating, the sleeping all night, afternoon napping and dressing in very nice clothes everyday knowing I wouldn't get bogeys or spew on them. I even carried a real handbag about not an oversized nappy changing bag. I plucked my eyebrows everyday and applied proper make up. I painted my nails and knitted in bed (I made some ill fitting booties that I now can't locate). I got to chat with my husband with out interuptions whilst we walked about holding hands and debating when we should next stop for coffee. We did grown up shopping too, in gorgeous stores, the best one being PURL SOHO!!!! Who is now looking like The Grinch and is green with envy?

We flew with Virgin Atlantic in Premium Economy and I loved every minute of both flights. I used to be cabin crew for Virgin so it was like a trip down memory lane. Although much has changed there's still a lot still very familiar to me. The smell is exactly the same. Eau de Boeing. That's what we used to call that distinctive smell. A combination of engineering, fuel, food, perfume and blow offs. Did you know air expands by something like 30% when you're 37,000 feet up!

I had to keep all my excited observations to myself as Mr C had already said "Oh please don't start!" when I exclaimed with delight that they had changed the uniform a bit and had ditched the black shoes and gone back to red only now they were red patent leather. Squeal! I'd love those. At least the ground staff I saw had red shoes on, the crew still have black flat shoes on when doing the services. The tights are nude again now rather than barely black. Oh this must be so boring for you lot but I was there when the old uniform was updated and I loved the crazy old 80's style uniform designed by the Emanuel's who designed Princess Di's wedding gown. We all rather liked the new John Rocha suit, much neater, but the red shoes had gone and it all seemed too bland compared to the over the top one with gold buttons and massive shoulder pads.

Anyway I wont carry on blathering about the changes, suffice it to say I really REALLY enjoyed sitting on my backside being waited on hand foot and finger, watching movies and crocheting. Yep. I crocheted on the plane. I took a plastic hook on board. I took my Shawl of Dreams (remember that?) to work on as the yarn can be snapped off so I didn't need scissors. However, plastic hooks and Kid Silk Haze do not a happy marriage make so I only managed 3 squares. Rubbish. It's more like the Shawl of Nightmares now. Not even sure I like it any more. It's nothing like the one I remember. Problem is I now have such a faded memory of that one that I don't think I could ever replicate it. It has turned into one of those mystical unobtainable magical items in my head.

So, back to New York, as you know we went there because Rah and Mr Rah got married! It was a magical day. The temperature was around 15 degrees and the sun shone all day long. They got married in The Ladies Pavilion in Central park and it was magical. Just the four of us plus the registrar and the photographer (Beowulf was a joy to meet, such a lovely man and a wonderful photographer). It was perfect and I felt so emotional, so privileged that we were able to be there when they tied the knot.

My little posy and the sliver sixpence I gave to Rah to go in her shoe.

There was something about our feet that appealed to me. I liked how they were kind of "holding hands" whilst Rah nervously waited for the photographer to arrive.

She's such a pretty girl. She has fine bone structure and I think she looks as though she wandered out of a Jane Austin novel.

On our way to Central Park. That's the bridal taxi!

My flowers and sparkly dress

Just married

New York honey bees!

Mojitos baby!

Rock on!

My only duties in my bridesmaidial role were to make up the bouquets and button holes and find a restaurant which ticked all the boxes. Finding a restaurant that caters for a vegetarian, with in budget, in the right location, with the perfect atmosphere was a bit tricky to do via the internet. I was worried I'd get it wrong. How can one tell what the atmosphere would be like? I didn't relax properly till we arrived at the restaurant and saw that the reviews and the website were telling the truth. We had super meals and The Rah's were treated royally by the staff with a warm welcome and complimentary champagne and finally a congratulations pudding. Phew. I'm so glad I didn't let my girl down.

The end of a fantastic happy day.

I have to confess to not talking any other photographs of the delights of New York. Also we didn't do much by way of touristy stuff as we have both been to New York quite a lot and have been to the usual haunts. We were just happy to wander about and bob in and out of parks, diners, shops and bars. We had some superb meals out but by far and away the best thing was the company. We ended up having some very silly giggles over jokes that would mean nothing to anyone else. I guarentee that when I next see The Rah's (as I'll now call them) one of us will say "a la mode" or "Beer or wine" and we'll all crack up. There's little point me explaining any of these phrases as they are jokes that will only be funny us.

Now I'm going to show you my yarny purchase from Purl Soho and my two ultra soft cashmere sweaters.

The sweaters are on the back of the chair. I couldn't get them to look good.
But then I didn't try too hard I must confess.

Sock yarn. 2012 will be the year of DPN's and socks.

Herringbone cowl yarn. Swoon.
See here for pattern

There's a caplet in here I am hoping to have a go at.

Could this be the most happy basket I have ever met. Yes I think it possibly is.

And there we go. Finally I have managed a post. This has been the longest absence I have had since I moved to blogger back in February. I realised a few weeks ago that something had to give if I was to keep my spirits from slipping back into that black pit. I couldn't do all my usual day to day stuff and fit in all the festive stuff with out getting my knickers in a twist. I have had to bake a lot for the schools, attend a variety of carol concerts and Christmas parties. Do present shopping and wrapping. Make a shepard costume, make some gifts...you know how it is. So I haven't blogged. I haven't commented on the blogs I enjoy, indeed there are many posts I will have the pleasure of reading over Christmas as I haven't even been reading blogs. I'm looking forward to that. I have missed keeping up with everyone very much. The only internet stuff I have done is shopping and pinterest as I have the pinterest app and I am rather addicted!

It feels weird blogging now having had a longer than expected break. There's a part of me that is a bit nervous about hitting the publish button. How silly is that!

xxx

Today

2011-11-16T17:32:00.003Z

Today has been gloomy and grey, yet I have had a lovely day. It feels so good to have had a good day. I didn't care one bit about the greigeness (that's a blend of grey and beige, I don't know if it is a well known word or one I have made up). The house has been really dingy so on went the fairy lights and the lamps. And on went my completed ripple snood that I made for Heather and Lucy's ripple along.

The photographs aren't the best as I don't know what I'm doing with a camera and it was, after all, a grizzly day here in the southwest of England.

So this is my Ta Dahhhhhhhh post for my ripple snood. It reminds me of the colours of the sea off the Devon coast at this time of year....

....it even has a (sea)shell border.

It's made from Rowan Pure Wool DK in the following shades:
Pier 006, Frost 044, Marine 008, Cypress 007
and you can see the start of it here.

What with the twinkle of fairy lights and the snuggle of the snood everything has felt so good today. Perhaps it was because Mini slept through till 6.30am, the boys got dressed with out fight and Little flew into preschool with out a care in the world. He usually wants to stay at home and whinges from 8am till I drop him off at which point he clings to me like a limpet. When I sneak back to check he's ok he is always (with out fail) racing about with a broad grin on his face. Such theatrics.

I managed to tame the laundry pile for the first time since returning from New York too and Mini has been so chirpy all day. When he had his afternoon nap I managed 45 minutes of knitting and finally, after five false starts managed to get past the 7th row of these wrist warmers. I'm making them in navy yarn and it's a real pigger to knit with as I can't see the stitches very well.

Big is on top form and has been a joyous little beasty and there haven't been nearly as many scraps or tears after school tonight. In fact, as I type the pair of them are snuggled under a granny blanket together watching a bit of Cbeebies. There's no wrestling nor kicking going on. I can't believe I'm managing to put this spur of the moment post together whilst the rice boils for their supper. Normally I have to be referee. It's so nice. Very very nice indeed.

Maybe there's something in the air for Mr Grumpy Bus Driver acknowledged us with a wave today. We have encountered him on every school run home for the past year and I always smile and raise my hand as we creep past each other on the narrow lanes. Never has he even glanced our way. He just stares past us with the look of grump all over his face. I feel bad for him as he looks sad. But today he raised his hand in thanks as I gave way for him. I'll get him smiling before the Summer. That's my mission. I may have to do Love Actually signs.

I'm even feeling a bit Christmassy and will be starting my Christmas shopping online this evening. Which reminds me of another lovely thing to happen today. One of the PTA committee sought me out in the playground and said they'd had a meeting about the Schools Christmas Fayre last night and would I make some Father Christmas leg cakes like I did last year. That did feel rather lovely.

That's all for today, next time it'll be all about the trip to New York. I just wanted to freeze frame today before my poor memory forgets it. Oh and show you my snood!

xxx

Flying visit

2011-11-09T20:50:00.001Z

I'm back in good ole Blighty. Goodness me we had a suuuuuper time. It was truly a beautiful holiday. The best bit? Spending a proper amount of time with Rah. I've fallen in love with her all over again. Just as I did when I met her twenty years ago. Little wonder she is one of My Girls.

Anyway I am just flying in to say I'm back, I'm fine, I'm a bit tired, I'm drowning under the chaos of housework and washing, I'm cuddling the boys as much as they'll let me, I've been talking to my besties on the blower, replying to a zillion lovely emails from THAT post. You know, the usual back to life hubbub that occurs after being away.

So in lieu of a real post here's a photo of the wedding that took place a week ago in The Ladies Pavilion, Central Park, NYC.

I totally fancy the pants off Mr C in this photo.

I'll be back next week with a proper post all about the wedding and the holiday. Also I have some crochet and knitting to Ta Dahhhhhhhh.....but I am a shade jet lagged so that'll have to wait. I can't believe I used to cross several time zones just days apart and still look glossy and groomed. Oh to be 23 again. You should see me now. I look sort of grimy. I'm certain Richard Branson would have to kick me off the crew if I was still a trolley* (as my mate affectionately calls me)

xxx

*translation for those who are over seas. We call cabin crew trolley dollies over here. It's usually said as a derogatory term but I've always rather liked it and never minded being referred to in this way. Probably because I am far from doll like in real life.

GIVEAWAY ALERT!

2011-10-29T12:18:00.000+01:00

Not that I really want to dilute my chances of winning but this is too glorious not to share.

Remember these?

Well, Fee at Chipper Nelly is having a giveaway so get on over and do what you must to enter. I'm rather hoping that by telling you all about it karma will see that I'm in with a big chance of winning some myself! Fingers crossed hey?

xxx

Normal service

2011-10-26T14:30:00.000+01:00

...has resumed here in Cuckoo Land. It's not like I can take a week off work to lie in bed and sob all day long! Which is very much what I'd quite like to do, especially as I feel sick and dizzy from the medication I'm taking. But the show must go on and it would do me no good to wallow. Therefore I'm getting on with things best I can. Don't get me wrong, I'm still feeling all that I have been feeling but now it's all out in the open, literally, right out there in the whole world wide web, I'm feeling a positivity creeping over me. I have felt a number of emotions since flinging my last post out there. All the ones you'd expect but also embarrassment. I wasn't expecting that. I suppose for all the "I hate how we don't talk openly about depression" babble I am one of those who has the taboo deeply ingrained into my social persona. I have hovered over the delete button several times, but then I'll remember that in my small way I'm doing what I can to try to break down the stereotypes and the stigma. Also I feel a bit like I have polluted my 'happy place', my neat and tidy sunny blog with gloominess.

I've been touched deeply by all the comments on my last post. The support you have sent my way does help you know. I have been amazed by not only the amount of private emails I have received but the length of these emails, the kindness in them, the sharing of experience, the overwhelming desire the writer had to try to help me. I am humbled. I will be responding to each and every one as the weeks pass.

It's been more cathartic writing my last blog post and responding to well wishers than the months and months of counselling I have had in the past. But the biggest thing to make a difference was an unexpected email from a fellow bloggers husband. He emailed to say that I have helped him understand his wife better. She is in the same boat as me, sometimes buoyant, sometimes sinking. To know I have properly helped at least one person has made me feel like there truly is a reason for everything.

And for now that is all I will say on the matter of my frame of mind, I shall just quietly get back on track. I'm ever hopeful that I'll snap back quickly this time since I hadn't been walking about getting more and more sad for months on end.

Ok then moving on. Lets talk crochet! I've been crocheting quite a bit since Tuesday. And I have a couple of tad dahhhhhhhhh moments coming on. I have finished my ripple cowl and the cushion cover for Little's room. I'll do a proper post for each a bit later. But here is a sneaky peek.

The ripple snood waiting for the ends to be woven in

Little is delighted with his bolster cushion

Mini and Little are ill. Not that you'd know it when the calpol kicks in but it is making for quite a tiring time round here. Big has an infection that the creams aren't touching and you already know what's going on with me. Poor Mr C, not only has his wing man fallen meaning he is having to pick up the slack but he has injured his shoulder making it all a bit more tricky. Our half term holiday isn't what we'd planed as we are under house arrest lest we spread about our nasty germs. Therefore I have been focusing on the niceties of a quite life at home.

Still enjoying flowers Clairey gave me when I got Christened.
They have lasted so long.

Eating plenty of fresh fruit and veg

Drinking fresh mint tea

Enjoying the last of the meadow flowers and sweetpeas

Feasting on delicious soup made from cauliflower and horseradish

Drinking lots of tea (Heather this ones for you!)

So there we are. That's the state of play around here.

◆

Sometime ago now I received a surprise parcel in the post from Sandi (she said she wasn't going to make a habit of sending stuff but I think she fibbed!) Inside was some cream and maroon felt tied with pretty ribbon and these suuuuper duuuuper egg cosies.

Thank you so much Sandi, you perfectly gorgeous lady. (see Sandi's post here)

ps. Next week I am going to New York with Mr C for one of My Girls wedding. Rah is getting married!!!! Granny is moving in to look after the boys. She's such a good egg. There aren't many people who would look after my chaotic brood for nearly a week. She is looking forward to it. I'm not sure if I should warn her what it's really like around here or to keep schtum. Why shatter her illusions! I'm very excited to be going to NYC as I haven't been for such a long time. I used to go twice a month when I was crew for Virgin Atlantic but I haven't been since January 2001. I'm so happy I'll be there to see Rah marry but, oh my, how I will miss the baby. It's ok with the boys as I can talk to them on the phone and I'm used to them being at school or away for the occasional weekend. I haven't left the baby for so long before nor been so far away. I'm very apprehensive that my homesickness will spoil what should be a welcome break and a fantastic holiday. I suppose it's perfect timing in that I'll be able to rest and relax properly but bad timing in that I'm not feeling myself and my imagination is going into high drama overtime.

If anyone has any thoughts on what places, shops, museums, restaurants we should visit then please let me know. I will be doing all the usual stuff but I don't want to miss the less well known places.

pps. Mini's first tooth popped up on the 20th October and he has started to crawl properly. He also properly vomits anytime I try to feed him something savoury. He gags, retches and then throws up the contents of his tummy. So any reassuring stories of fussy eating babies that now eat everything would be most welcome. My other boys preferred fruit to veg but they never threw up, they just spat it out.

ppps. Broody hen is no longer broody and has finally started laying again.

Slipping swiftly

2011-10-19T14:11:00.001+01:00

I've just been crocheting, a stolen moment whilst the baby naps, but I can't concentrate. I'm mentally composing a post. It won't leave my head and my heart is racing and eye's keep filling up. So here I am blogging to just GET IT ALL OUT.

Before I launch into this post of gloom (feel free to click away as soon as you like - normal service will resume with the next post) I'll quickly tell you what the yarn is that I am crocheting my ripple snood with. It's Rowan Pure Wool DK in the following shades:
Pier 006
Frost 044
Marine 008
Cypress 007
I did have indigo in there too but it looked almost black in the dark half light and I didn't like it so I frogged it out and tucked it in my ever growing stash.

Now what comes next is going to be a bit of a brain dump. Probably quite erratic and no photo's to relieve your tired eyes. (You know, I really would click away now if I were you!)

For a little over a month now I have been very, very tired. I've been a right pain in the arse. I've been awful. I've felt awful. I had things going on that were stressing me out. Things that other important people in my life were relying on me for. I would have dealt with these things just fine if I hadn't been so tired. Mini still wakes in the night and I'm on my knees.

In the middle of this past month I had had a long day. A rudely early start and six hours driving in the car to deliver a cake that I was certain wasn't going to survive the trip. I got home and cried on Mr C's chest. I said "I don't feel well". I wasn't talking about a cold coming on. My head was feeling wrong. I kept hoping and hoping that I'd spring out of my gloomy demeanor. Hoping that I was having just a normal blip. You know, a bit hormonal, a bit tired. General busy life stuff. You see I live in fear of becoming ill with depression again, so I was hoping that I'd get back on track.

I haven't manage it. I'm not back on track. I'm in a spin and a panic and I can feel I'm slipping. Swiftly slipping. Wierdly I am comforted that I have for once caught myself early, that I have trotted off to the doctors after a tearful phone call in pretty good shape, at least, I'm not in a total black fog of despair. A mist of gloom rather. When you look at how lovely my life is, to feel this way is not fitting, this is how I know I'm falling. I have nothing to be depressed about so my logical brain (it is still working bit) is telling me that my chemicals must have gone a bit crazy. I think of it like a diabetes of the brain. The brain just isn't producing the hormones I need to feel normal.

Now I guess it would be good to start at the beginning. I've always been a fairly cheerful person but I don't do well when stressed or tired. Really quite normal I think. After Big was born my mind went into overdrive. Sleep was in short supply and I had a baby that didn't seem quite right, not sure how to phrase it. However I was the only one at that time who felt things weren't ok with him. It caused me to quietly worry and whittle, I worried and whittled through many long sleepless nights. Things always seem worse in the middle of the night and those hours spent cradling my small boy who seemed to have no idea what sleep was all about meant that I walked through the days with a persistent feeling of concern which, over time, escalated into full blown Post Natal Anxiety which led to slight depression. I went to the doctors about my baby on several occasions to say how concerned I was but by this time my mind was playing horrid tricks on me and I was blowing everything out of proportion.

So the doctor treated me rather than looking at my son. I guess the fact that I was seeing horrific accidents in my head was more pressing. I'd be driving along and I'd visualise a lorry ploughing into us. I would physically jolt at the thought. In my head I saw myself fall down the stairs breaking my baby's neck every time I got him out of his cot after a nap. I would slip and stab myself when emptying the dishwasher. I would faint whilst bathing him and he would drown. I would trip and his pushchair would wheel in front of a car. Of course none of these things ever happened but I would 'see' these images like watching a film and it was terrifying. I would feel shaken as though I had tripped. I was prescribed a very good medication and began to feel quite alright. But it still took almost four years to get Big's diagnosis as every doctor and health visitor and to some degree family and friends still tried to comfort me as an anxiety patient rather than a mother whose instinct was saying that there was something going on with her child. Thank goodness I am a stubborn and tenacious bugger (to my detriment at times) as Big's condition, if not kept under supervision, could cause some difficult health issues for him in the future.

So that was my first run in with a brain backfiring. Second time was nasty. Oh it was just dire. There was a lot going on at the time. Little Cuckoo had been born at Christmas and he'd been suffering with reflux and colic. He was never a small boy and so he has never had small lungs nor a small cry. My health visitor was retiring after 40 years and she said she had never heard a young baby with such a loud cry. The sound distorted in ones ears, left them ringing. And it didn't stop for long either. It was four months of constant screaming. Big was still waking twice in the night for 2 hours at a time and whilst he was asleep Little was awake. We had a huge renovation/building project going on. We ended up sleeping in the playroom with both the boys. The only rooms we had were the kitchen, utility, playroom and ensuite. Plenty of room but no where to take a shrieking baby in the night. I was up with Little the second he murmured for fear he would disturb Big Cuckoo and Mr C. Mr C had just taken over a business that had been doing badly and so he really needed his wits about him and therefore needed to sleep.

I was busy beyond anything I had anticipated, I knew two young children would be no picnic but Big wasn't like a two and a half year old. He was like a one year old. It was tough going but not impossible and I just got on with it. Thousands deal with much tougher situations. But the lack of sleep led to my brain malfunctioning but I didn't see it coming. I was too busy and tired to notice that I was getting ill. I was exhausted. I kept having an odd sensation in my chest, a bit like when you dream you are tripping up the pavement. A bit like someone had jolted me. I can't quite describe it. It happened regularly, every five minutes or so and my heart would leap in my then very thin chest. I couldn't sleep as I was jolted every few minutes and every snort or murmur disturbed me

One day, I as I was making a cup of coffee, I had a brief lucid moment when I recognised that I felt desperate. I was about to pour a kettle of boiling water over my arm so that I could go to hospital and just STOP, just give up, be cared for, escape my life, escape myself...and I thought "Oh My God, I'm ill. I didn't know!"

Ruby Wax summed it up so well for me. When your brain is sick you haven't got one in reserve to compensate, to say "Hey no.1 brain, you're exhausted and poorly, I'll take over for a bit" You're just lost in the bleak confusion. When your liver packs in you go a bit yellow and feel quite shabby, your brain recognises this and off you go to the doctor. When it is your brain that is ill it's not so straight forward. I have spent so long worrying that I'll miss the signs and that I would do something dramatic. That I would lose my mind and do something so devastating it would destroy me and it would destroy all I care about. I've witnessed first hand how someone can wreck their life when they were out of their mind and how that ripples out to everyone who loves them. I've seen the devastation and I never ever want to get to the point where I have missed the signs that my brain is sick...I'm not saying this very well at all. I'm trying to say something without saying it, so I'll just say it. My fun loving, sociable Aunt became deeply depressed. She started out just a bit sad, then a bit worried, then unable to cope. Before long this capable woman was unable to speak, wash or feed herself. Eventually they gave her medication that seemed to work. She started reading again and talking to people. She was improving. One day, after months of looking after my Aunt, my grandmother thought she was well enough to leave for half an hour. My Aunt encouraged her to go and get some fresh air. Said she'd be fine. But when my Grandmother returned my Aunt had hanged herself with her dressing gown belt. She'd obviously had a desperate moment when she felt she could no longer go on. Had she have remained in the vegetative state she'd have probably stayed sat in the same place my Grandmother left her, but because she was responding well to the treatment but still had a long way to go, she had the motivation to exit stage left. I'm not saying I have had suicidal thoughts, not now, not ever, but I have had things go through my mind that I would never have expected and I've seen that it is all too easy to fall deeper and deeper into mental illness till you are no longer yourself anymore. My Aunt was the very last person you'd expect to hang herself. She liked to complain too much!!!

I guess some of you newbies to my blog are surprised to be reading this. You won't have read the posts were I have stated that I have had Post Natal Depression. You'll have flicked through the last few posts and seen what a wonderfully privileged life I lead. How fabulous my friends and my family are, but then you only see what I choose to reveal here. This blog is my therapy as well as my diary and my place to mingle with like minded crafting gals. It is the place I document all the good stuff that I want to remember, the place I come to to focus on the small details that bring me joy. Funnily enough it has been my rescue this time round too. I noticed as all the comments were pouring in from my last post that I wasn't feeling the joy of the day the way I would have if I was feeling myself. It's like I was there in body but not really there in the moment. I feel too much like I am going through the motions. I am short tempered too much, I'm tearful, worried, tired, flat, joyless, restless, my heart is thudding. I'm not enjoying the things I love. I'm on auto pilot. I'm like a walking, talking doll. To the world out there I appear to be the smiley happy go lucky thing like always. I wonder how long I could have gone on like this, in this denial. I kept thinking "I'll be ok in a minute". You see I have periods through the day when I do feel fine, when the smile on my face is genuine. But that's the trouble. I'm so up and down but I focus on the ups and try to ignore the downs because I don't want to be that person cashing in a prescription. I don't want it to be me again. Not this time. It's not fair! Why me? But then again, why not me? Why not me?

It's like this: I'm standing on a cliff edge, my back is to the sea and I'm facing sunny fields of wild flowers. There's my family and friends frolicking about, a bag of crochet, a yummy picnic, the sun is shining and the breeze is gentle. But behind me there's a storm rolling in, it's on the horizon. Dark, black thunder clouds, streaks of lightening. The sea is the colour of sewage and swirling around the jagged rocks. One step the wrong way and I'll fall into it. Most of the time I have two feet on the grassy ledge, some times one of them dangles down, stones falling down the cliff face as I struggle to get my footing again. Right now both feet have slipped. I am hanging on with my fists tightly grasping the long grass. Both feet are well and truly flapping about trying to find a resting place to steady myself while I climb back up. I can still see all the good stuff up on the top of the cliff in the sunny fields. I'm still looking at it. I still want to be there, I don't want to fall. I know how horrid it is to be free falling down and down towards those rocks. I'm so thankful that after the last time I got back to my old self and I am ever hopeful that because I have seen my doctor before I was too far into the blackness that I have been saved. My fear has always been that I wouldn't seek help in time, that I'd not notice how confused and muddled I was becoming, that I would lose myself. That who I am will be torn so badly apart that I'll never get put back together properly and I'll be an empty shadow of the glorious, vital person I can be. It's funny how you can only appreciate all the positives of oneself when you imagine it all being destroyed and stripped away. I'm not being big headed, I know that when I am well I am a nice person, I know I have attractive qualities in my nature. I'm not perfect but I do a good enough job most days of keeping those I love happy and that's the main thing I guess. I am finding everything so much harder at the moment, it's terribly difficult to be everything I am when I'm not feeling like I'm connected. (I've cut this from an email I sent a long time ago, I knew one day I would be blogging about PND and that I would want to include this analogy, though I have edited it a bit as I wrote it when I felt very well)

The thing I find hard when I feel flat, when I lose my emotions and they get replaced by episodes of simmering rage or worse, nothingness, I find the hardest thing is not being able to tell people what's going on. I don't want to worry anyone. I don't want to drag others down. I don't want my children to be taken from me (big fear and unlikely) I can't rant and sob, I've gotta hold it all together with out having had a chance to offload. I don't want to ruin my marriage, my friendships. I don't want all those people I love to fear that I'll go the way my Aunt did. I don't want them to worry. I don't want to burden my best friends, they have their own problems to deal with, such busy lives to lead, they don't need to be talking to me from Dorset, Reading, London, Dorking,...knowing they are too far away to be of any practical help. Knowing they can't get to me and back in time to pick up their children from school. They don't need the added stress of worrying about my fragile state of mind. Have I explained that very well? I'm not sure. I suppose I'm just saying to you my dear Girls, my dear Mum, I didn't want to worry you as I love you so very much.

I understand a bit about depression as I used to work in the medical industry and because of my family history I have had a lot of conversations with people who know the facts and I know that I feel like I do because my serotonin levels are buggered up. If my insulin levels where buggered I'd take diabetic medication and so when my serotonin goes wrong I'll take the appropriate meds to get better. It's not forever, I'm resigned to the fact that sometimes I'll be ill and sometimes I'll be well. I'm also resigned to the fact that there's a lot of misunderstanding of depression and people are incredibly judgemental which makes it a dirty secret style sickness. I hate that. So that is why I'm putting all this out there I suppose. It's my story and I'm telling it in my own way and dealing with my wonky brain in my own way too. Some people might think that going to the doctor and walking out of the surgery with a prescription is the wrong way to do things. But I know me and I know my body. It seems this is just what happens to my hormones after I have had a baby. No amount of counselling will help my brain produce more of the seretonin I need right now. If I had cancer I'd have chemo, it would save my life. If they'd treated my Aunt sooner it would probably have saved her life. It would have prevented all the horror my family has been through.

This post has done me the world of good, I feel like I have got everything out of my mind now, the endless chatter can stop for a bit and I can take great comfort in the fact that although I feel like (forgive me, I am about to swear on my blog) ... shit. Although I have blubbed my way through this, I am going to feel just fine in the future, already I feel lighter, knowing it has happened again and I'm not in as bad a place as I was last time.

In the past when I have mentioned my PND I have had a few people either leave me a comment or email me (my address is over there in my side bar) saying that they struggle too and that many people in their real lives have no idea. Why oh why are we so happy to discuss our sex lives and pelvic floors but not comfortable to talk about depression or mental illness? How many times have you heard someone say "I've been signed off with stress"? I bet you 70% of those people are beyond stressed, they are depressed but they feel like they will be persecuted for it. I'm happy to talk to anyone and everyone about my journey. Sometimes I get a reaction of pure disbelief. After all what have I got to be depressed about? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I know it's because my chemicals are out of balance. I say I'll talk to anyone about depression but actually I only ever talk about it in past tense to strangers and acquaintances.

Now I must go as I need a wee and the baby is due to wake up and I need to do some star jumps in the sunshine. I need to do some exercise for I am on "Project Feel The Joy, Get The Cuckoo Flying Again". I shall be nurturing myself for a bit. I want to feel better, I never want to be calling my doctor in a desperate panic and in floods of tears ever again...though I bet you I will do one day....

So in the mean time, you may or may not hear from me for a bit. I may or may not be cheerful when you do. Funny thing the internet, for I may be having a really crappy moment yet I'll be writing something on your blogs that would never alert you to the way I am really feeling. It's a good thing though, to be writing jolly messages to people when you feel bad, a bit like standing up straight and smiling when you don't feel very confident.

Ok I really am going now, I must stop waffling, do excuse any hastily typed errors!

xxx

ps. If you need a little lightness now, ay I refer you back to this post?!

Once upon a time, a couple of weekends ago...

2011-10-16T21:56:00.004+01:00

....there was a little family of five who frolicked about in some unexpected sunshine. I know, I know I'm a pants poet.

Remember that really hot weekend at the beginning or October? Wasn't it special? Such a treat to have weather like that when all hope of Summer has passed.

Mr C's family came to stay with us and we all took full advantage of the garden. The boys hare tailed around as they are prone to doing and Poppa busied himself being useful as he usually does. This time he plucked all the fruit from the trees before the beastly wasps got at it all.

My sister in Law (Ma Belle Soeur as I call her) arrived at tea time on Saturday. The boys are always so pleased to see her, not just because she brings sweets shaped like pigs. That's her in the distance, she is always behind a camera, rarely in front.

The washing was pegged out, I think that may have been the last time anything got dried completely outside.

I think this is THE ugliest photograph of Little Cuckoo I have ever seen!

And we spent the afternoon sitting on the outdoor sofa's relaxing.

The sun was almost over the yard arm so Granny had a Kir Royal.

I'm not sure the following photo's translate very well here, they were amusing on the camera when flicked through. Mr C was giggling and snapping away as I tried to erect the cheap little TV table to pop our drinks on.

Ha ha haaaa! I look like such a dorky scarecrow. I needed that drink after all that taxing table business. I swear it was harder than the rubix cube.

Did you spot a bit of crochet there?

I'm making a cushion cover to go in Little's bedroom. It's almost finished and I have to say I am loving the colours and loving the stripes. I am really hoping to get it done soon but I have a feeling that the button hunt may delay the reveal. I've not done crochet button holes before, they were very satisfying. I may even do crochet self cover buttons too. That may save me the hunt for the perfect button. I've got more crochet to show you later at the end of this post.

Look at that baby! He had literally just woken up and yet he was full of smiles, as always. He is such a joyful child. I cannot believe how lucky we are to have him. It has been such a relief that he is so easy and content. It means I can spread myself around all the boys much more easily than I could if he cried as much as the older two. He has been a true delight since the moment he was born. Little Cuckoo is totally in love with his baby brother. He thinks about him and looks after him in a way I never thought a three year old could. Big Cuckoo 'likes' him but keeps asking me to put him back in my tummy and turn him into a girl. Little Cuckoo then shouts "NO MUMMY! I will miss him if he goes back in your tummy! Keep him out!!"

It was astonishing how hot it was that weekend. Very, very warm. Hotter than the summer was. Not unbearable though, it was perfect. The wind was warm, and that's a big thing for me because we live on top of a hill and it is always windy. Even on a sunny summers day the wind often leaves me with goose bumps. It was lovely to be able to sit outside and feel comfortable. We'd not managed that this Summer as the wind always had a chilly edge to it.

We all stayed out on the sofa's till gone midnight, well the adults not the kids obviously.

Oh it was heavenly. Spending the evening outside, a warm breeze, some cosy blankets for some snuggle factor, something lovely to drink. Perfect. I even saw two shooting stars.

✩✩✩✩✩

Not only was the weather glorious it was special for us for another reason too. Mini Cuckoo and I got Christened.

Nic the Vic was giving us the low down on what was going to happen. It was modified a little as he was going to do both me and Mini at the same time. There was a moment when Nicolas was marking the sign of the cross on my forehead with oil that felt very....I'm not really sure how to describe it without sounding like a right numpty. It was very... quiet. Nicholas was looking in my eyes and I could see he was saying something yet I didn't hear him. I felt peaceful. After all the excitement and bustling about I felt quiet. For a brief moment the chatter in my mind was silenced. It was a welcome interlude as both before and after that moment I had an uncontrollable urge to giggle my head off like a simpleton.

Ma Belle Soeur took so many gorgeous photo's so I'll fling a few in now to share with you.

All that was missing was my God Mother, Bee. Her daughter was poorly with a sickness bug and Darr was away in Wales so she couldn't come.

After the service we all went to The Garden Cafe in the village for cream tea's. It was a quintessentially perfect English afternoon. I cannot believe how fortunate we were to have such glorious weather on such a special day for us.

Grandad Chuck and Bobber

Stuffing my face

I look soooo pale and mangy next to the uber gorgeous Gem

Gem is Mini's God Mother and I'm so happy she was able to come. Her husband works a lot of weekends so to have them both with us was greatly appreciated. The poor duck was in a flap when they arrived as they'd got stuck behind a broken down tractor in a lane that was too narrow to do a three point turn. They had no phone signal either and Gem was concerned she'd miss the whole shebang.

Gem and her husband taking a stroll with a cup of tea

The Princess (Gem's daughter) made a friend for the afternoon.

The Prince (Gem's son) enjoyed his cream tea enormously before nose diving off the seat.

We were going to have the cream teas in the glass house if the weather was wet, it was by far and away much better outside on the long table.

I'd love our garden to look like this, we do share the same view but our garden is
sadly not planted up very well. I haven't a clue what should go where!

I love this photograph of Big Cuckoo and his God Father wearing a similar shirt having a little chat.

I can't include any pictures of Mini's other God Mother Clairey (one of My Girls) or God Father James as I forgot to ask if that was ok.

Since we were having cream tea and lots of cake I realised that there was no need for a Christening cake. So I made a coconut and lime cake for Saturday night pudding and decorated it with some fabulous bunting made by clever Jooles. The cake was pretty ugly but tasted great and no one noticed its looks as everyone was ooooohing and ahhhhing over the bunting.

As you know I don't put our names in this blog, the reason being I don't want us to pop up in google if a certain someone from my past tries to be nosey. It's not that I am being all mysterious and secretive, just trying to keep out of google is all. But I figure names in a photograph can't be googled. Am I right in thinking that?

I ordered a special Christening gift for Mini made by the super talented Fee from Chipper Nelly.

Beautifully packaged

I could spend way too much time playing with these blocks.
Notice the packaging ribbon now tied to the knob on these freshly painted and revamped
old orange pine drawers

I have been spending quite a lot of time looking at all the perfect images she chose for Mini.

Notice all the bird references.

I'm now hankering after some Christmas blocks, in particular these ones.

Mini played with the crinkly celophane for an age

I said I have more crochet to talk about and so here it is.

Not much to show yet but this is going to be a ripple snood. I'm joining in with Heather and Lucy's Ripple along. If you haven't heard about it already, I'm certain you must have, you can read all about it here and here and see lots of other ripple alonger's stuff here.

xxx

Grateful

2011-10-11T11:31:00.001+01:00

A photo that has bugger all to do with the words in this post!!

I've retyped my opening sentence a dozen times. The words will not come, at least they aren't as eloquent as I need them to be, therefore I shall plough on saying it all badly....

I've just finished reading Little Cotton Rabbits post today and I feel like I want the whole world to read it, especially the plea at the very end.

Many of you may have read that Big Cuckoo struggles due to a rogue gene. He has a degree of learning difficulties that affects every element of his developement. He does brilliantly despite this, he really is quite inspiring. Every milestone is eventually reached, only it is much later than his peers. But I do worry about him, I worry about his health and his future. Every day, like Julie, I grieve for the future he wont have that his brothers can take for granted. My feelings are echoed in the post I have just read but I am grateful that the things I deal with daily are nothing in comparison. So very grateful that my son will more than likely have an adulthood, that on the surface, is not so different to other men. I am truly grateful for that. Grateful for my special son and all the opportunities he will have because he is so lucky to not be more crippled by his condition.

xxx

A cake fit for a Princess

2011-10-06T23:56:00.000+01:00

Well, I mean a cake that my friend Princess was delighted with at least...

I tried to get the flowers the same as her bouquet of Gilmour Girl Roses but my laptop screen distorted the colour somewhat

Princess is my friend who I introduced a short way down this post. She's is a relatively new friend, we've been proper mates since I was pregnant with Little Cuckoo as she had her second son just 6 weeks before little was born. She is a joy, I love spending time with her. She is articulate and intelligent and I find her great company. I feel bloody thick by comparison, but our shared love of yarn and shoes keeps us nattering for hours so we can avoid more meaty political conversations. I'm a total ignoramus when it comes to politics. It doesn't help that all the party leaders look the same these days. It was so much easier when it was Thatcher and Kinnock barking at each other.

I was both cheered and feared when I saw that the table the cake was to go on was the first thing that guests arriving at the reception would see. I was pleased that Princess had un-erring faith that not only would I make her a worthy cake but that I'd get it there intact. I was pleased as punch when the lady who was waitressing asked if I was a professional cake decorator as she her self has a cake decorating business. I took it as a massive compliment. I admire anyone who does this sort of thing for a living. i'm beginning to believe I can create most cakes given enough practice but I would be a basket case in mo time. Ah man, the stress! My bum was so achey after the car journey I was tensing it up everytime I hit the brakes or drove around a corner.

And here is the bride and groom cutting into the cake. I must say I have eaten a lot of cake in my life and this one was way up there as the nicest cake I've ever tasted. Princess baked the cakes and they were spectacular.

I thought I'd just do a little before and after collage for posterity's sake.

I debated whether to include this photo. This was Mr C's attempt. The top two are pretty good flowers. But then he made a willy and some boobies. Juvenile boy!

xxx

♡ Cardigan ♡

2011-10-04T21:23:00.001+01:00

This is going to be a short but sweet post as I'm pooped after a whirlwind couple of weeks and a busy (but lovely) weekend.

While we were on our jolly holiday in Spain I didn't just knit innocent smoothie hats, I embroidered a cheapy cardi from H&M.

Of course the idea wasn't an original one. I got it from the book Make by Cath Kidston

I loved this little project. So soothing. I would like to tinker about with all my cardigans. I have oodles of ideas floating about in my head and a fair few bland cardigans too

My next post will likely be all about our weekend which started with my good friend Princess' wedding and ended with mine and Mini's Christening.

I made the wedding cake. No that's a fib. Princess baked the cake. I decorated it. It was a labour of love. I piped over two hundred and fifty royal icing hydrangea petals. Didn't use them all of course, only the best ones.

I'm not going to lie, the stress I felt whilst decorating and transporting this cakes was ENORMOUS! I badly wanted it to be perfect and I put a silly amount of pressure on myself. This is why I could never ever do cake decorating professionally. I'd be in tears constantly! Princess would be utterly horrified if she ever knew that the only reason I didn't throw the bloody thing across the room was because she had baked the cakes herself.

Fortunately it all cake ( I meant 'came' but I've left that freudian slip in) together beautifully in the end and it survive the three hour journey to Portsmouth intact. I made a big poster to go in the back window of my wagon saying "Wedding Cake On Board" and I drove like a right old codger. Not a single person hogged my tail or made me feel intimidated. I might put the sign back in as I often get some burke on my tail trying to push me on. Honestly, do they really expect my people carrier to take corners like a Mini?

There's a bit of a sneaky peek till next time....

xxx

ps. I just joined in with the Fall in Love link party over at Modern Country Style.

12.21am 21.09.05

2011-09-21T21:17:00.003+01:00

Six years ago today after a swift labour my tiny weeny 5lb 13oz precious baby boy was born.

I'd been mythering for a few days, twinges that didn't bother me much, nothing that stopped me from painting furniture for the nursery. I had two weeks till my due date and so I wasn't quite prepared for our first born. His nursery was a blank canvas for I didn't know he was a boy at that point. In fact I was quietly certain he was a girl. I was definitely pregnant with a girl who I would call Dorothy after my Nanny Dot.

The labour went very well, it was fast paced but not so much that I couldn't cope. Gas and air was excellent, I loved it! "I'm plastered!" I declared. (Actually I really said "I'm Sh*t faced" but we will have no bad language in my nice well mannered blog!) The gas and air made my mouth feel funny and at one point I asked Mr C if my lips looked funny. They felt like a beak so I made a few quack noises just to go with the flow and then found myself to be so funny that I laughed and laughed then spontaneously started pushing and promptly tiddled all over the bed! Nice! What style. Thank goodness for that gas and air numbing me from the indignity. I'd have been horrified at myself otherwise.

As I started pushing it became apparent that the baby's cord was getting squashed as his heart rate would drop. After just a few more contractions his heart wasn't recovering quick enough before I had another contraction. Suddenly the room that had been filled with laughter and quacking became a room filled with doctors and midwives and the crash team ready to knock me out and pull my baby out of the sunroof. They took away the gas and air (horrors!) and put me on oxygen.

Size 1 newborn nappies swamped him he was so tiny for 38 weeks

I was terrified. I remember trying to breathe the oxygen in deeply and imagine it flowing to my baby. I was on the verge of panicking and knew that would not help at all. Mr C says I had a funny look come over me. I firmly believe my head disconnected from my body in that moment. I remember what I thought was an owl (I know!) telling me "Your baby is very distressed, you need to push with all your might and get your baby out with the next contraction" That was the most terrifying thing I had ever heard in my life.

The next contraction came and I was so frightened, I was utterly immobilised with fright, I really couldn't see how I was ever going to get the baby out. But my body had other ideas. My head was thinking it couldn't be done, I wouldn't be able. I hadn't the strength. I was too scared. Then I realised my body was doing it. It was pushing out the baby, all by itself. I wasn't even telling it to. Honestly the relief I felt when I, The Head, realised that The Body was doing it with out me was huge!

He reminds me of Bono from U2 here!

Suddenly there was a small, warm baby on my tummy. "What's this?" I thought "They must have given me a decoy baby, my big baby girl must be very ill if they've given me this one to distract me.... " Think I must have lost the plot.

It took me a moment to get my head to reconnect and realise that I had just given birth to a tiny baby boy. A baby who bore no ill effects from the heart decelerations, who came out screaming merry hell!

The boys call my Mum Bobber! As in Bonne Maman.

Minutes old

"We've got a son!" Mr C said. Shortly after my Mum came in followed by Bee. I turned and said "I've got a son!" I could not believe HE was here. I'd only just finished painting his bookcase.

Oh how I love this sweet boy of mine.

Six years old, the years have flown by, he's done well considering the teasing he gets because of his name.......Dorothy....... Just kidding!!!! Had you there hey?! Oh I'm such a card. He has a nice normal boy name, I just don't put any of our names on here as I know someone from my past googles me/us and if I put our names on my blog he'd be sure to find it and I don't want him nosing into my life.

xxx

ps Read Bee's account here

Summer round up

2011-09-20T09:40:00.001+01:00

Very long and disjointed post with lots of photo's and this is only a little snap shot of my Summer. We'd be here for yonks otherwise.

I drank a heck of a lot of tea from my new fave mug. A gift from my Belle Mere.

The beginning of the summer holidays feels like a lifetime ago and yet the boys haven't even finished their second week back at school (they have now but I am taking FORVER to get this post done!). Funny how it seems like a life time ago but even so it went by in a flash. I was rather worried about the six weeks holiday. I couldn't imagine entertaining them effectively for 6 whole weeks. But I loved it. It was a delightful summer. I thought I'd do a mosaic style round up otherwise this post would be so long (it's pretty long regardless) you'd all nod off before the end.

The summer kicked off with my Step Fathers birthday. He liked my tea party so much that my Mum decided to give him a surprise tea party. The look on his face was priceless. There were only a few guests which was lovely as we all got to properly talk. It was the first time I had met my Step Brother and his girlfriend. Poor things got the full Cuckoo Boy whammy!

Mum put on a scrumpdumptious spread. We had a lovely time playing with her china.

☀

We had a few guests booked in to visit us. Mr C's cousin Weese was going to visit but Little came down with tonsillitis so it got cancelled. Fortunately nothing prevented the Kmmms clan from descending. The boys and I made a humongous batch of rocky road in celebration of the fact that Kmmms and her girls were visiting. See her post about it here.

I ate most of these and put on 5lbs so my dresses didn't fit any more. Silly arse.

Kmmms and I indulged in a little late afternoon wine in the sunshine. It's not often I get to do this with friends, not that I do it alone either of course, because I live far away from anywhere and so have to be able to get in a car and drive to do the school run etc...

One morning we hid in the utility room to have a sneaky piece of rocky road and a latte.

Kmmms started a beautiful scarf with some wool from South America.

I adore this photo.

☀

We had a day with Bee towards the end of the holidays. It was so lovely to be able to arrive and leave when it suited rather than be dictated by the school run.

Bee's kids ran to her rescue however Little legged it and Big thought he'd help by shaking the rope.
I assisted by taking photographs of her neat little bottom stuck in the gap.
She will go bananas when she sees this but it's too funny to omit.

☀

Mini's passport arrived and we went to Spain en famille and had a lovely time. I took hardly any photographs though. We go back to the same place each year as our friends own a place out there and so do their parents. We rented a villa between their two villa's and it was an idyllic holiday. Mr C's parents came out with us as did our friends parents. The kids all loved having the grandparents out there. But not as much as me and Mr C did, not least because they babysat the 7 children whilst we went out, for the first time ever, for a meal with out the kids.

The simply beautiful view from the verranda

On our way out for a meal

Shortly after the 2nd jug of sangria was demolished

I'm so glad we got to go to Spain as our planned visit to the Seaside House didn't happen as Little became ill yet again. He had to have antibiotics and we needed to stay near our doctors in case he didn't improve. It took a few days for the meds to kick in but he is totally fine now... till the next time! I went to the doctors 5 times in 6 weeks what with one child or the other. It all came at once, we are a healthy bunch really.

☀

Back home the garden had suddenly burst into bloom, my dahlias were a joy to come home to.

Not only that, finally I have managed to grow sweet peas (sorry Sarah!) which were glorious till they got covered in green fly. I must point out the photo on the far left below. The vase of flowers was in my bathroom window. Before blogging I would never ever have had flowers in the bathroom. But now I think it is the BEST place to put them. I shall not elaborate, you can have a little think about it. I did have a giggle to myself when I was taking the photo as the angle gives the impression of a gorgeously clean and tidy home. So not true! I swept all the 'ladies monthly' paraphenalia to one side which reminded me that the last time I referred to that sort of thing there was the chance I was going to need a small operation. Happily everything is totally sorted now. Big sigh of relief, it was worrying me a bit.

☀

Bunny Mummy and I had a little poppy seed swap so hopefully next year we will have a little piece of each others world in our gardens hundreds of miles apart.

How cool are these hand made seed envelopes mad from maps?!

☀

The balloon fiesta took place in Bristol and we were treated to a private Red Arrow display right over our house. Our home was in the perfect spot as they did all the reforming formation over head. The boys got a bit scared at first and hid in the wendy house. I'm not sure if it was the noise of the jets or the sight of their Mother leaping about pointing at the sky like a demented peculiar thing. Gosh it was amazing. I surprised myself at how much I loved it.

Look at the colour of that sky!

☀

Just before the summer I went to London on the train and met up with Mr C's Mum, Sister and Cousin. We ate some beautifully presented food at The Pollen Street Social

☀

I had a second visit to the capital when Mr C and I took advantage of a day without the boys and went to London to have a lunch at Corrigans with Little's Godfather and his wife. It was a surreal day. Rather like I had stepped out of my life and into someone else's. It was so far removed from a normal day for me.

Not the best pics but I forgot my camera

We hired a driver for the day which sounds very indulgent but when we looked at train prices and times and then factored in a travel card for us each and any taxi's, it worked out to be the cheaper option. It was ace! Mr C did some work and watched a movie and I crocheted a hat using a new super duper stitch I have learnt which I call the Twisted Granny as I don't know it's real name. Twisted Granny sounds like a lethal cocktail which is totally the opposite to crochet and that amuses me.

I would absolutely advocate hiring a driver if you need to travel somewhere far a field by train for the day. It was just as quick and cost about the same. I think I will have to go to London with three friends for my birthday next year. Have a little shop, a light lunch, see a show in the afternoon and then a meal before being driven home. No worrying that there will be a seat available on the train, no concerns about sitting together. I watched a film on the iPad on our way home from London but my 'bus' has flip down screens so we could all watch some girly film together. Perfect.

☀

My glam day out in London was soon a distant memory as normality resumed. The fridge broke. Again. This time the tray that collects all the moisture sprung a leak so instead of it evaporating it piddled out into the kitchen. It didn't affect the function of the fridge but if I wasn't home when the water leaked out it just soaked into our kitchen cabinets which made them swell up and split. The kitchen is only 6 years old but looks totally knackered and not in a nice Chalon style. Oh well, we're not out to impress anyone so it doesn't matter. I'm quite sure the boys and their toys will further distress the kitchen so there's no point getting upset about it.

☀

Mini has lost every last bit of small helpless babyness. He shrieks for attention, grabs things, shuffles around somehow, sits up unaided for a while before flopping. He 'plays' with toys and is eating food. Properly eating food. It blows my mind that he is fast approaching toddlerdom. I have so loved his baby days but I shall not be sad they are over for each new phase is thrilling.

CRAZY hair!!!

☀

Big Cuckoo and I had a day with my Mum who bought the boys some cuddly toys. Big insisted on a bag for each soft toy. He was delighted by both the bag and the contents. I was delighted that he enjoyed shopping! There is hope!

☀

All in all we had a great time this Summer. There were a lot of lovely times and plenty of laughter to balance out all the tantrums and screaming fights. Seems funny to think that last summer I was battling morning sickness and freaking out about having 3 children. Next year will be different again. Mini will be 18 months. Probably walking and talking and trying to keep up with his brothers. We will be needing another battery powered tractor soon. The tractors have been the most played with toys. They have had so many hours of fun tearing about the garden. I hope my sons come to understand just how fortunate they are to have such a big garden to race around. I don't want them to grow up taking everything for granted and being spoilt little rat bags. Mind you, as soon as they are old enough Mr C will have them mowing the lawn for pocket money so I doubt they'll enjoy all the space available then!

Lots of tractor action and one injured police farmer (?)

There they are, my little gang.

xxx
☀

ps. Am horribly behind with everyones blogs and commenting and replying. This seems to be always the case and I often end a post with an apology. How repetative of me, I shall not mention it again for some time, but just know that I feel constantly apologetic about it all. I have no idea how to fit in my own posts and all the other stuff I like to do in blog world. So please don't feel you must leave a comment here, I know a lot of you are pushed for time too. This post is probably only interesting to a few people on this planet and I'm not sure when I'll be able to get back to you. Oh I wish I didn't need to sleep at night. All those lovely hours in which to get stuff done!

pps. Gogo Sausage the black Yick has gone broody! I've tried as much as I can to bring her out of it, as much as I can do practically that is. I can't 'rehome' her as there is no one and no where to re home her temporarily to. So I must wait another couple of weeks and hope she eventually stops trying to hatch any little stone she finds in the run. Poor girl. I know how it is to feel broody, I feel sorry for her!

ppps. I have fathomed out the issue with uploading photographs. Blogger was quite right when it said I had exceeded my quota. There was me swearing at Blogger for being so stupid and it was my own fault all along! Attached to our blogs is a picassa web album. You can find yours if you are in your dashboard and click on 'My Account' at the top. Then click on Picassa Web Album. And there you will find all the photographs you have ever uploaded to use on your blog. Every single one. Even the one you uploaded and then deleted from a post. Even photo's that are sat in draft posts. Hundreds of photographs. The amount isn't the issue it's the file size. When I clicked on a photo it opened up and had the information relating to the photo to the side. Some of my file sizes were over 3000KB. So I have deleted a whole load that weren't actually live on my blog. Problem solved. I feel like a right thicko! I'm only sharing this in case any of you ever have the same issues and are as technically challenged as I am, I wouldn't want you to feel as much of a goose as I do at this point.

pppps. Sandi, you devil! You've been at it again!!! (Only one person in the world will know what I'm on about here)

Do you live near Weston Super Mare?

2011-09-16T16:48:00.000+01:00

There's a new, super cool Women's Institute opening next week in WSM! I am going to join. For certain. I know some of the girls who have set up this new WI group as they are fellow Knit Clubbers. It's going to be quite craft based so it's just my sort of thing. You can read more about it here.

It's next Tuesday the 20th September and I will be there with bells on. I am very excited. I think it will be great. "I'm a member of the WI!!!!!!" I shall proudly declare to anyone who will listen.

Now most of you remember my 'streak' I posted about a while back. Well I have seen the film Calendar Girls and so I'm all ready for more streaking.......ah.....not that type of thing on the agenda? Just as well, having had another baby not so long ago I reckon an escaped boob might knock out a poor unsuspecting fellow member, or at the very least give her a black eye. Or I might trip on it. I should stop there shouldn't I?!!

See you soon for a Summer Round Up post.

xxx

I won a fabulous giveaway! Weeeeeeeeeee......

2011-09-07T22:31:00.003+01:00

Some time ago now, well a few weeks ago, I entered a giveaway over at Sew Sweet Violet's. I like to enter a giveaway now and again. I don't very often win, I think all my winning luck got used up when I won a car when I was 13. Dad wasn't going to fill out the raffle tickets, he couldn't be bothered so I filled them all out as Mum was french braiding my hair. My parents sold the car and built a garage with a little room attached to it. I snogged a boy in there who I had an enormous crush on. It was a mistake...anyway I digress. So I enter these competitions and I don't win. When I entered Jooles' giveaway I didn't expect to win so I was DeLiGhTeD when I did. Astonished and delighted.

Jooles popped it in the post very swiftly and I ripped it open without thinking about taking photo's of the beautifully packaged parcel. Fortunately there are photographs over at Jooles' (here). I've nicked them. But I urge you to go over and float about her blog for a bit, I just know you'll love it.

What a lucky little beggar I am! This bunting is just perfect. It is made so well. Expertly made, the stitch work is precise and careful on the flags. I'm trying very hard to be neater with my sewing so I notice stuff like that. I love how the stitching is deliberately wibbly on the hearts which Jooles has sewn on to the ends of the tape. Little stuffed hearts. They are lush. I love a little heart ♥. I also like the elongated zigzag stitch attaching the flags to the tape, you can see this better here third photo down.

I've put it up in the dining room. This is partly why it has taken me an age to do this post. The dining room is possibly the darkest room in our home, the study is fairly dark too (and damp - but not for much longer as Mr C says I can have it as my playroom! He doesn't use it. So I shall whitewash it and sort out that unused whiff)...gone off on a tangent again....the dining room is a bit dreary during the day. It's an evening room really. It's just lovely when the fairy lights are on and lots of tea lights along the shelves of the dresser, which isn't a dresser at all. It's actually part of old shop fittings from an old haberdashery shop in Wales. It fits the space perfectly. Literally. If it were half a centimetre larger it wouldn't have fitted in the gap properly. The gap is between two unmovable objects, the hatch to the kitchen (long walk from the kitchen to the dining room so the hatch, however 1980's, is necessary) and the fireplace hearth.

My china treasure.

The fabric is by Tilda and I'd love a 50's style frock made out of the green and pink rose fabric.

I bought that green and white platter at the same time as buying the dresser. They didn't want to be parted. I love the old teapot too. I rescued that from the throwing out pile in the china shop in the village, lovely little shop selling vintage china, I have to avoid it, I come away with lots of rescued pieces and we really haven't the space for much more stuff. The knob had been broken off and restuck on backwards with brown glue. It pours well and it's an unusual shape, bit like me, I doubt I'll ever part with it.

Included in the giveaway was this cake bunting. You can't tell from the photo but the ribbon is velvet. Little touches like that make the things Jooles makes extra special. She has an Etsy shop so if anyone wishes badly that they had won this giveaway then pop over and you too can have bunting like this and the fabric one.

Look at that cake!!!!! Swoon.........Clever Jooles.

I'm going to do one like this with blue sponge going dark to light for Mini's Christening. I've commissioned blue cake bunting. Perfect timing as Jooles had just ordered some blue Tilda card stock. It was meant to be!

Right, I have much 'bladmin' to do, a bit of knitting and some crochet to be getting on with. Not to mention a bit of pinning! Totally addicted and I haven't had a pinning session today, although I did have a mighty chortle over a picture of two feral mutts.

xxx

ps I carefully took the photographs of the dining room dresser making sure to avoid the mess on the table. Currently there is a bedside table being painted, an old printer and the box for the new printer, a stack of Mens Health Magazines, Mr C's boating bag, 3 life jackets, 6 newspapers (for the painting) and a host of other painting related bits all stewn about the place. It's an absolute tip in there. I'm going to rename it the "Urgghhhhh Room" We have an "Urgghhhhh Cupboard" already which funnily enough is off the dining room.

Do not adjust your screens...

2011-09-05T17:50:00.002+01:00

Look!!!! Up there!! A new banner! One that isn't too big and hopefully will take no time at all to load.

I've had some help from someone AMAZING and if she says it's ok to tell you then I will but otherwise you'll have to guess. She did my new favicon too.

I also want to thank Sarah who had a little play around with one of my photo's for the banner but it wouldn't upload. Silly Blogger. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Seriously frustrating.

Ok, I'll now stop going on and on about my banner... you may breathe a sigh of relief.

See you soon, I'm farting about with a post all about scrumdumtious bunting.

♥

Knit Club

2011-08-31T15:32:00.006+01:00

(for some reason I feel this post has a dreary tone. My apologies to those who usually pop

by for a giggle. It's the damn mojo problem I fear)

It's like Fight Club only we brandish kniting needles rather than fists. It's great. I love it. It's only once a month for a few hours on a Saturday morning and I look forward to it immensely. I've only been going since March (I think) but everyone is so welcoming that I feel like I've been attending for much longer. I met Helen and Jo, fellow bloggers, there too who are super lovely. But it's a bit wierd when real life collides with cyber. They know so much about me!!

Debbie Bliss. *Sigh* Purchased from The Wool Sanctuary.

Suzie who owns The Wool Sanctuary where Knit Club takes place is bonkers in the bestest way ever. Never ask her for diet tips for she will tell you to aggressively eat a doughnut but chew then spit don't swallow. I kid you not!!! She is a skinny minny so maybe that is the answer...hmmmmmm...

I stole this fab pic from Suzie's blog. Watch out Suzie I WILL steal this
frock of yours on Saturday!!

The Wool Sanctuary is like the bestest part of John Lewis, rammed to the rafters with Debbie Bliss and Rowan yarn and some other scrummy yarn. So inspiring to be able to sit amongst the yarn and knit. Also there's the added bonus of having a group of women there who are ready, willing and able to help me out when I get stuck....every five minutes when I've lost count of rows......every ten minutes when I've dropped a stitch. I am hopeless. It's so hard!!! I can remember my Mum teaching me to knit as a child. I took to it ok. I would chant "up the little rabbit hole, round the little tree, up pops he and off goes she" so that I could remember the moves but I ended up with a triangular shaped piece of knitting that looked like the front of a pair of knickers and it was holey like the moths had had a nibble.

I know you have heard me grizzling about knitting in the past but I have hope that I will conquer this knitting thing. I did think I was a Natural Born Knitter. Rather smugly in fact. I cast on easily. No problems there. I knitted. I purled. I cast off. "Cor!" thought I "What's the big deal! This knitting is easy peasy!" but then I started doing patterned stitches where each row is a bit different or the stitches alternate on a row and that is where my problems start. I simply can't count my rows unless they are all knit or all purl. If I drop a stitch I can't pick it up according to the pattern sequence. I end up with a mess and the air turns blue. I have no patience with knitting and I get in a nardy strop and start frogging and frogging and rabbiting as Alice calls it. Alice has even given me very clear instruction on how to pick up stitches as has Sandi but alas, if it's a patterned piece I have no choice but to frog the stuff right back to the slip knot because I also find it hard to pick the stitches up again and even when I do I get them twisted (even if I could pick up each stitch I'd still have no idea where I am in the pattern as I cant count rows) and I always have a dropped stitch or eight which I can't pick up. See? Soooooooooooooo frustrating. Cue frenzied frogging. Imagine Animal from The Muppets on the drums and you'd not be far off.

I was saying all this at Knit Club during 'Show and Tell' or 'Woe and Tell' as far as I'm concerned, one of the ladies, lets call her Genius Girl, said I should run a peice of yarn through the stiches on my needle at strategic points so if I go wrong I can frog to there and the stitches will all be on the yarn marker and they'll all face the right way and wont get lost. When I'm done I can them just pull the yarn marker out. It works a TREAT! She really deserves the title Genius Girl. I've found using embroidery thread in a contrasting colour works best.

This is the free yarn and it's a bit too rough and squeaky for a nice blanket

I have been practicing basic knitting by making these Innocent Smoothy hats which you can read about here. In short people like me knit these little hats and send them to Innocent Smoothy Head Quarters where they get plonked on a bottle and sold in the shops. For each be-hatted smoothy that is sold 25p goes to Age UK. There's a crochet pattern here but I reckon an egg cosy would work too. If you want to make some then either get in touch with Suzie or Innocent Smoothies for details of where to send them.

this is NOT the free yarn

For the smoothy hats I've been using the free yarn that came with the above knitting monthly magazine which promises to teach you to knit by creating a different square using a different technique/stitch each week.

The first few squares of the blanket

It wasn't going well what with all the frogging and the mental block. I said as such on my blog a while back which prompted Wendy to leave me a message to say she had a fab book that taught her to knit. She told me all about it and then asked me if I'd like it. Of course I said YES!!!

Lovely lovely Wendy (who is a bonkers prolific crafter and does some aMAYzing stuff) posted it to me and it has totally cleared up a few of my smaller issues and reassured me that my bigger issues will go with time and practice. There are some great patterns which expand your skills as you work through the book. Edited to add: do pop over to Wendy's today for she has a very funny post up about the woes of crafting.

Wendy sent a gorgeous book mark and card too. Look at how neat her stitches are.

I think I'll have a go at these projects:

But maybe I'll not try this knitted tie, not sure Mr C would be very kind about a knitted tie.

Once I am done with the book I am going to offer it out to a fellow blogger who wants to learn to knit. I shall pop Wendy's blog details and my own in the front and whoever receives it after me is to do the same. Once they have learned to knit they are to send it on to another fellow blogger. A bit like a library book with provenance. I love the idea that this book will gain more scribble through out it, more notes and ticking off of rows to go along side my own and Wendy's.

Wendy's ticks

At the beginning of Knitty Gritty it is advised to knit on large needles so I made a snood from a pattern from The Wool Sanctuary....

.....except I had trouble wealding the large needles and my usually tight tension became way too loose and the size is all wrong. It doesn't fit like it should. I should have done a tension square. But I will still wear it as I can wrap it around twice so all is not lost. Tis also a perfect excuse to buy more yarn in a different colour for I have changed my mind about the bright pink....I think a softer colour next time.

It's been a busy old time in the nest of late (Mini is ill) but I have been trying to make the most of it since the boys return to school next week. I figure I'll catch up with myself and all of you then. Until then I shall enjoy having the kids to myself and not having to do the school run twice a day. Before I go I must acknowledge the fact that I won a giveaway over at Sew Sweet Violet. I am beyond chuffed and want to spend a little longer waxing lyrical about the heavenly bunting I won and I shall do so in another post another day. But for a little peek go over and have a look at this and all the gorgeous stuff Jooles is making.

xxx

ps. The Yicks are doing very well. The Biggun's are loving having a free pass to piddle all over the enclosure and so far no fox has been spotted. We get two eggs a day and they come running over for a cuddle whenever I go out there, the chickens, not the eggs. Eggs can't run about. Oh how I love those Yicks!!! They come over and let me pick them up so there will never be any problems putting them to bed. I can pop them in whenever I need to rather than waiting for them to go to bed as the sun sets.

pps. My delight with Mollie Makes magazine continues (apart from one issue which I was disappointed with) especially as they have done away with the crappity crap horrid felt free gift. The material one is much better. I mention this as MM has just plopped into my post box so I will be even more quiet as I hide in the utility room having a read but pretending to be sorting out the washing. Ha ha haaaaa!

New family members...

2011-08-21T13:32:00.003+01:00

....Meet The Yicks as I call them. I think 'chickens' morphed into 'chicks' which morphed into 'yicks'.

Are they not loverly ladies?

The orange one is a Lohman and is called Oliver Foxy and the black speckledy one is GoGo Sausage.

Lets hope they do not meet with a sticky end. My track record of Chicken Husbandry is poor. I've had a fair few chickens over the past two years and despite lovingly caring for them things out side of my control have thwarted my little menagerie.

Two died naturally and I found them in the coop 'asleep' but stiff and molded to the shape of their resting place.

One escaped.

Two were got at by Rosie the mad dog we used to have who now lives at Granny and Poppa's where she is much happier. She had leader of the pack issues here. Something to do with the garden being her territory and our house being a small area within. Big long story about how crackers the hound is....

Six were savaged by a fox, he took off with two of them, left two scattered about the coop and left two alive but in a real state. I had to shoot them. IT WAS AWFUL. Actually it does make a funny story as I must have looked totally comical in a t shirt, knickers and wellies brandishing a large shot gun. Actually if I can get my physical gestures I usually use to tell the story into words it's worth a post all of it's own. It always raises mighty chortles. Which is odd when you think the story is about having to swiftly put the poor girls out of their awful pain. *

The eggs are teeny at the moment.
See how I had to fill the egg cup with salt to hold it?

It's taken me 18 months to feel brave enough to get more Yicks. This time if I am up all night with sick children and up all day too, when I go to bed before dusk, I will say to Mr C "Don't forget to put the rubbish out and put the Yicks to bed" and then Mr Fox wont get them.

Apparently male wee keeps foxes away, so having tried to stop my boys from tiddling willy nilly in the garden for the past year I am now going to encourage them to spray all over the chicken enclosure. But not on the actual chicken house or the Yicks themselves...although that really would safe guard them. Food for thought.

We got the girls before going to Spain and my neighbours looked after them. This was a bit of a sneaky plan as my neighbour really wants chickens but her husband thinks they are too much hard work. So I said I'd get some before going away so he could see how easy they are. They are getting chickens in the Spring apparently. At least that's what he told me when I dropped of these flap jacks as a thank you.

✴

Blogger is still being difficult and not allowing me to upload a banner directly to my blog, it's says I have surpassed my upload quota. I'm having to link to photobucket. It's the only way I can do it. I know I haven't exceeded my upload quota, I can't have. I have only been blogging a little while compared to others and I have few photo's by comparison. Very frustrating.

Ms. Mildred (thank you, I can't email you back as you are anonymous, so I'm thanking you here and hoping you see this) left me a comment the other day saying that my banner takes forever to load and fills the whole screen. Is this the case for all of you who visit me? I've viewed my blog a couple of times from other computers and it looked ok on them, but I wonder is it slow and big for lots of people? I'd be so grateful if you'd tell me.

I want to have a change but if blogger is still being difficult I may have to stick with the roses, I just hope that they are a normal size for most of you. When I view my blog I can see the roses and my blog post title all on the same screen.

Oh I am glad to have posted today. You see I have lost my get up and go a bit of late. I've returned from holiday and haven't got back into the swing of things. The boys are in destruction mode and I am struggling to keep on top of the house work. They are up stairs now, in Big's room, cackling and chanting "Heave Ho!" I just know I'll go up there in a minute and find they have stripped the bed again! Little rat bags.

Very little is going right first time. I have made a snood which is way too big and needs frogging. I have embroidered a cardi and then cut a hole in it when snipping out the label. Food is being cooked and then ruined as I'm getting the timings all wrong. The washing, both dirty and clean, seems to be multiplying quicker than I can deal with it. I really shouldn't be on here at all. So I'm going now....and I'll see you all soon with a crafty post and a little holiday blurb even though I only took 3 photographs.

xxx

ps please let me know about my banner. I'll get it sorted/or give up and then I'll stop bleating on and on boringly about it.

*edited to add. I weighed up my options. a) leave them to slowly die of horrid injuries. b) call my neighbour to help me c) go on you tube to see how to wring a chickens neck d) pick them up and run them over e) drive 6 miles to the nearest vets having got dressed and bundled the boys in the car which would have taken over half an hour even at speed f) or shoot them. Shooting them was going to be the quickest way. There was no saving them. They were so broken I'm still astonished they were alive. I really hope I haven't upset or offended anyone here.

Happiness is.......

2011-08-10T10:32:00.004+01:00

......hanging out the dresses I made last year as I can now fit in them again....

sigh

ahhhhhhhh

♥

I also received the liebster award from Grateful for Crochet a while ago but have taken an age to say my thank you's! You must pop over and have a nose. There are some superb dolls being crocheted over there that always make me smile, especially how they are described. Go and have a look at this and you'll see what I mean.

Thank you!